Its been a really long time since I have been here. What am I doing? Well, let's see. I went to Germany in April, watched FC Bayern Munich vs Manchester United. Amazing! My husband had a broken foot on the trip, but he did ok.
I don't remember May, June was a blur of soccer and school functions.
July was ok - did some white water rafting, Sky Trek, hiking, biking, boating, swimming and tanning.
August - well that's where it all falls apart. My husband (who is 39!) had a massive heart attack. He was in the Cardiac ICU for 5 days. The type of heart attack he had is called a "widow maker". Yes, most people die when they have a heart attack in this section of their heart.
It's a somewhat funny, kind of awful story. We had been digging trenches in the yard all weekend to put in underground sprinklers, so his arms were a bit sore. He also was feeling kind of yucky that day. He went to his soccer game that night anyway, because that is what he does. He doesn't know how to relax or slow down. After his game, he came home, had a snack and writhed in pain for a while. He went upstairs, writhed a bit more, then it looked like he had fallen asleep. So of course I took a shower, thinking he was resting. When I was done, I noticed he was writhing again, I was looking up symptoms of heart attacks on the net, but not really thinking anything of it because his pain was justifiable we thought. THEN, he stuck his hand in his mouth and rubbed his teeth. I asked if his teeth hurt, he spoke but didn't make any sense. It was only then that I thought something might really be wrong. On the net somewhere, I noticed a very "rare" symptom of heart attacks, jaw pain.
I told the kids that I was taking their Dad to the hospital, just in case. Before I tell the next part, I must emphasize that my husband is a complete baby when he is sick or sore - so I cannot be blamed for thinking he was just being a big baby!
I told our 15 year old daughter that I was "taking Daddy to the hospital, and he had better be having a fucking heart attack". Yes, I am a truly horrible person.
Anyway - off to the hospital, I dropped him at the doors as per his suggestion, I parked the car, and by the time I got inside, all of 5 minutes later...or less, he was in a bed and hooked up to machines. That was then they verified that he was having a massive heart attack - we were shocked.
In 10 minutes he was on his way to another Hospital in an ambulance. Within the hour he was in the Cath lab, and had angioplasty - he had 2 stents put into his heart. I got to see him about 3 hours later.
My husband actually asked if he could go home the next day. He had no idea where he was and how serious his situation was. I did, unfortunately, because I asked, and the nurses were very blunt about everything. I'm glad they were, I don't do well with sugar coating.
2 days later he asked to go home again, and the nurse actually yelled at him. It was awesome! I got to watch the whole thing. The nurse told him what had happened, where he was and why he was there...and that he was going to be there until they told him he could go home. It was then that he realized how sick he really was. That was hard, just to see the understanding in his face.
He came home a few days later, he's on tons of medication and a modified diet. He feels ok now, he's back to work and also doing cardiac rehab. They watch him while he exercises, but he's just happy to be able to exercise. We've been told that the fact that he is so fit is what saved his life.
Things have been hard to adjust to at times. We have scaled back ALL of our volunteer efforts, which was a lot. People see him, he looks fine, so they think that we should be able to resume life as normal, but it just doesn't work that way. When you almost lose your husband, you see where your priorities are. Right now, I've got to concentrate on him, the kids, and myself. Everything and everyone else has to just wait.
It's been 41 days since his heart attack, and 41 days since his last cigarette too! We are managing, we are trying to get used to the new normal, and we are working on making everything ok.
But wait, there's more.
The kids started school last Tuesday, the same day that I had stitches removed from my face. I had had a "thing" removed from above my lip as a precaution. Test results? Basal Cell Carcinoma. Just what I needed.
I've told the kids and my husband. The only thing that can be said to sum this all up, came from my daughter. She sighed and said "ok, can you guys just be done with all of this now? No more please."
It's been a lot to take in. What is normal now? What do I do to make this all ok? I have no idea, but getting stupid things done, like laundry, that at least helps a bit.
I have found myself telling people what has happened if only to have them back off a bit. We need to take care of us now, we need to stop doing things that other people want us to do and make sure we are taken care of first.
Who knows when I will write again - I'll try, but only if it makes me feel better!
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