Is getting sick good for you?

I am fully aware that getting sick builds up antibodies that protect your body from getting that illness again, and enables your immune system to become stronger.  But that's not where I am going with this.

I have been sick for a little over a week.  Last week was nausea and the sweats, Sunday was pure exhaustion, and for the last few days I have had a sinus thing, I've lost my voice and feel just like complete crap.

But.....yesterday I felt that my brain at least was recovering.  I, for some strange reason, had some wonderful new ideas for my yard. This is odd because there is a few feet of snow on the ground, its been there for weeks and it shows no signs of going away.  But my brain had hope and was looking ahead to spring.  The best news was that my brain had decided to step away from the sick fog and have some thoughts and ideas again.

It happened again this morning.  Now I have already forgotten what those particular ideas were, but I have hope that they will come back to me.  Yesterday I wrote down my ideas before I forgot them.  Give me a break, I've been sick!

I think that when a person gets sick, along with the purging of all the snot (sorry, I know it's gross, but it's true and you know it), you also purge things in your brain that you don't need.  Mine come out my nose, very handy!  Maybe it's just me, but after I have been sick, I get to the point where I can feel the sickness lifting, and I feel fresher, more engaged, and a lot more positive about what is going on in my life.  It really is like a cleanse.

Anyway, maybe it's just me.  All I know is that I dread getting sick, I hate being sick, but at the end of it, I get really excited about not being sick, and think of all the things that I could be doing.  I am still going to hermit myself in the house for at least today, maybe the rest of the week, just in case.  But after that, I am sure I will have a to do list the length of my arm, and I will be really happy to get all those things done.

Who knows, maybe I'll have a mental breakthrough and decide what I want to be when I grow up too! (at the verge of 39, you'd think I'd know by now, but I don't)

Saturday Night's all right for fighting!

So is a Tuesday afternoon.

Unfortunately I didn't get a fight....and I was so prepared!  I am so sick of people complaining about shit to me that I have no control over.  How about instead of complaining, do something about it!

If you don't like what you've got, why don't you change it?  (And other great 80's songs are just floating around in my head)

Do you think that I like everything that I have to do?  I don't, but there are some things that you just have to pull up your big girl panties and deal with.  I don't want to clean my house, but I want a clean house.  I don't want to fund raise, but I don't want my kids to not get the opportunities that they should be getting.  I don't want to talk to parents about fundraising, or about anything really.  If you have so little in life to do but complain about stuff, then I don't want to talk to you at all.

Life really shouldn't be so painful.  Get the crap done and enjoy the good stuff.  You don't have any good stuff?  Not my problem - go talk to someone who cares.

I am tired of people thinking that they can walk all over me.  I try really hard not to be a bitch, because I don't think it's necessary.  But if I have to be a bitch, well, then I guess I will be.  But I will pull out the bitch only when needed, and try to be nice the rest of the time.  I just don't have the energy to keep up the bitch like I used too.  But I have to hand it to her, the bitch gets stuff done.

There's my rant for today.  If anyone is looking for a fight, I've still got some fight in me.  But after that, I am taking a well deserved nap!  Being sick makes me a little more goal oriented I think.

Can I run away?

And why do I feel like I need to ask permission to run away?  I never did as a kid, I just left.  That's the point of running away!

I'm not having a breakdown....I don't think. I just feel like I could really use a vacation, by myself.

I yelled at the kids this morning, which makes them have a bad start to the day, and then I feel like crap for doing it.  They just don't appreciate what I do for them.  Even the things that I don't do for them, I still have to tell them to do it!  I almost picked up a pile of my son's soccer stuff last night to put away, my husband told me to leave it and make my son take care of it.  Nice idea, but then I go to the laundry room to see my husband's crap all over the place in there!  If I don't clean it up, then I have to step over it all the time.  Where do I draw the line?  Do I yell at him - which will then make him say that he has barely anything lying around and if that's how I want to be, he'll clean up his stuff and no one else's......which would mean what?  That all would be normal, because he still wouldn't clean up his stuff and his shit would still be all over the place anyway!

So I'm thinking Germany for my solo vacation!  But the problem is the weather, I don't want to go from crappy weather here to crappy weather there.  Then I think about someplace sunny.  Where could I go that would be sunny, I'd feel safe walking around all over the place alone...and then lets get realistic, I couldn't do it.  My family would die without me.

They'd miss all their soccer games and practices because no one would be there to make sure they know what's going on each day, instead of doing laundry, my husband would just make them all re wear their clothes, underwear included.  They'd eat out every day because no one even knows how to make toast, then they'd get diarrhea or constipation due to all the crap they'd been eating, they'd die from that, or sugar coma's!  If they somehow made it through all of that, my daughter would stop leaving the house because I am not there to fix her hair or make-up, all of my son's teeth would fall out because he can't remember to brush them, my husband would forget that he had kids and just go play soccer all day and night, then smoke himself to death afterwards.

Now I realize I might sound a little bitter.  That sounds about right.

I know what you are thinking, why not make them do things for themselves?  What the heck do you think I have been trying to do???  Or maybe you are thinking that I should get a job to have something for me.  Well no thanks.  I do not want to work for some dipshit that just makes me feel the same way I do at home.  No one could pay me enough to go back to that.

Stay at home Mom's have a difficult position.  (Please don't think that I think working Mom's have it any easier - I know they don't, I've been there too.)  But since I am here, now, this is how I feel.  I don't have a job, so my job is to take care of the house and the kids and the husband, do the errands, and all the crap that needs to get done.  But if I do it all, what am I teaching my kids AND my husband?  That they have a nice little slave?  Then if I don't do it, well then I am not doing my part.  Bahhh! I just can't win.

I just want a little appreciation, and really, some time off.  Even vacation with them isn't time off because I still have to remind them to do stuff and clean up their crap.  Yes, a solo vacation is my dream.  I think I am just going to have to make it a reality.  The only question then is....how long can I go away for that will give me enough time to calm down, and the family enough time to learn how to do shit on their own?