Does anyone have people they can count on?

I am having a very self pitying day today - so bear with me.

I'm going in for a little day surgery, nothing major, I'll be fine tomorrow - and no it's not cosmetic!  I wish....  I was asking my husband to take me to the hospital, he spoke aloud how busy his day was and I kind of jumped down his throat.  I told him I could take a cab if he couldn't find time for me.  He was upset that I thought that he wouldn't do it.  Of course he would do it, he was just making his plan out loud.  That was last night, and I let it go, until this morning.

I thought about who else I could ask so that my husband didn't have to mess up his day.  Do you know who I came up with?  NO ONE.  I don't have one friend that I feel I could ask to do this for me.  (I have sisters that are out of town that would, but it's just a ride, not an emergency)  My MIL?  I could ask her, but I'd never hear the end of it, and she'd want to know exactly what was going on, and she'd probably want to stay with me and I can't handle that.  On second thought, I'd probably have to drive her and myself there and she'd just have to find her way back home.

I know a big part of this is me, I am not big on being around a lot of people, and I really don't have a whole lot of trust in others.  But one friend that I could count on - and I couldn't come up with one.  It kind of made me sad.  I looked through my mental list of friends, and there wasn't anyone there that I would even think of asking.  I am not good at asking for help, and maybe that's why I don't have people in my life that would help me.  Maybe people would help me if I just asked.

I guess the question is, do I want friends that will help me?  Do I have anyone that could become a friend that would help?  I couldn't find one person that I feel like I could have that relationship with.

I readily admit that I keep myself at a distance from most people.  I don't trust them, I've been hurt or tricked, lied to, so many times before, I am not ready to throw myself at the mercy of other people.  I don't know if I am willing to put myself out there enough to have that kind of relationship with someone.

How do other people do it?  Do they just trust easily?  Or do they have people that they have learned to trust - and where did they find those people?

I am sure 2013 is my quest year.  I am on a quest to find myself, and to find answers.  What do I want, what do I need, how can I be a better person?  Do I have to trust other's to be a better person?  Scary thoughts.

I have been so busy the last few weeks - and tomorrow is the end of one project - the big project.  I feel like I can get my life back after that.  That just means that I will hermit away in my house, painting, cleaning and organizing - all the while thinking about what I really want.  It's funny how I see all that work as a break - but that is when I do my best thinking!