20 laps!!! oh yeah, and the overnight sleep study

My wired up face and "robot" box. And Yes, I do look like crap, thanks for noticing.

I ran 20 laps today!!! Yeah me! It was a slow one today, but I did it and it felt great!

Last night I did the overnight sleep study. I have to say I was a bit nervous, but it wasn't all that bad. The worst part was being bored, and very tired. I went to the clinic at 9:30 pm and hung out for a while while the other patients were being hooked up and put to bed. Finally I was ready to be hooked up at about 10:30. I had electrodes hooked to wires attached to my face, head, chest and legs. It didn't hurt, it was pretty boring though. It took about 45 minutes to get me all hooked up and then I was sent to bed. Once in bed they hooked me to the wall, put a nose tube on and told me to go to sleep. I was able to have a sleeping pill, which was probably the only way I was going to get to sleep with all that crap on me.

The bed was comfy enough, it was dark and quiet, I can't complain about that. What bugged me was they let me be in bed for 8 hours, regardless of how much sleep I actually got, and pulled me out of bed. I woke up with a monster headache. I got up, brushed my teeth, ate some breakfast and watched the news. I felt like total crap and couldn't wait for my first nap. I got to nap at about 10am, and I have to say, this was the worst part of the study. They put me to bed, and I was able to stay in bed for 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES????!!! Holy crap - I had barely even fallen asleep and there they were over the intercom, wake up Pam! It sucked.

So I got up, sat around, read a book, watched a bit of tv and tried very hard not to fall asleep. Did I mention that the headache got worse? Well it did. I had a little lunch and then was able to nap again at noon. Guess what? It was another bullshit 20 minute nap! I was so mad, I felt like crap, I had a headache, I was nauseous, I was not in a good place. That went on all day, read, watch tv, stretch, walk around an area the size of my bathroom, nap, read, watch tv.....you get the picture. At about 5pm I was allowed to go home. I perked up a bit for that.

I went home, which was a 5 minute drive to my house, took a VERY long shower to get the antiseptic stink off me and the glue out of my hair and sat down to watch a little soccer. By 7pm I was passed out on the couch. I got up at 8, got some ice cream to make myself feel better, put the kids to bed and sat around. I still had the headache and I still felt like total crap. I took a sleeping pill that night and slept like the dead.

I get my test results in 2 weeks, which I will blog about whether it's good or bad. It was a very frustrating experience. I hope I don't have to do it again. I hope they found the reason I have such sleep issues. I hope they have a way to fix me, even if it is whatever the legal version of speed is.

19 laps!!!!!

I ran 19 laps today!! I am so impressed with myself! That is huge progress over the last year, but great progress even in the last few weeks! I remember when I started running, I couldn't even do one lap, and that was with my husband pushing me.

I am very pleased with myself as you can see. I even forgot my ipod this morning and it didn't slow me down one bit. I figured I would think to myself and work on my goal list. So far I got to see how many laps I can do, and then maybe when I get to 25, work it so I can run 25 faster each time. That kills a few goals with one stone - that'll make me less jiggly, I will be a faster runner and it might help my soccer game. That is officially my first goal!! Yeah, look at me go!

I figure while I'm at the sleep study tomorrow, I will use that time to make my goal list and my many ways of reaching them. All I really can do there is sit around. They may let me go for a walk, but I'll have electrodes from head to toe - literally - so I'm not sure if I can. I will if they let me.

Now I must make myself smell better and get some errands checked off the ever expanding list! Have a fab Tuesday!

New Goals

When I was 20, I made a list of goals that I wanted to achieve within the next 5 years. It took me just about the right amount of time to achieve those goals...and I was happy. Not totally happy overall, but at least pleased that I had achieved some things that I thought were worthwhile. Its been 10 years or more since I made that list and I think about it from time to time. I don't have any goals.

Yes, I'd like to be a better soccer player, a better Mom, more organized, more fit, less jiggly, but I've never really written those things down and made them goals that I would like to achieve. As a side note, I should mention that the original list I made had "lose 20 pounds" on it. That was the only goal that I didn't meet. Instead I packed on 40, at some points more, and I have been there ever since.

Looking at the list I just made, maybe it's time to get some hot pink paper out and make those real goals. They are good things to do and very worthwhile. I do not have any career goals at this time because I am a kept woman, and very happy and content being that. Content may not be the right word though. Maybe indulgent, frivolous, entitled...those may be more accurate. Maybe that's what my problem is. I am a bit wayward, without a schedule, without guidelines in my life. Yes I work out, I'm a good Mom, I try to be organized, but maybe if I started with those goals, they would lead to more goals. Yes, I realize that I am just writing out loud...if you will.

Ok, so that settles it. I will make some real goals, some ways to achieve them and that might just be the start of something. I always have an excuse it seems. This week it's the sleep study, which is tomorrow night. I am a bit nervous, mostly about what the heck am I going to wear to sleep in, especially since someone will be watching me all night. The sleep study takes up tomorrow night and most of Wednesday, so I kind of lose a day. And I'm tired, which is why I am going to the sleep study, but that is my main excuse for everything. I'm too tired to make healthy choices, too tired to tidy up, too tired to make a list. I am, surprisingly, never too tired for a soccer game or the gym, and yet I am still jiggly. Is it wrong to put this list off until Thursday? I need to get my ass in gear, make some plans and do them. If I do that, then I can plan around all my plans! Do you see how unorganized my brain is??

I need to take a few minutes, get my brain focused and make a list. I need to make the goals and achieve the goals so I feel like I am doing something with my life and not just floating on the breeze accomplishing nothing. I think I need a life coach!

Good News

I am feeling much better today - the tiredness is not gone, but definitely much better. Maybe I will get some slippers today after all!

There is definitely something wrong with me...

I have lost the will to shop!

It stared with grocery shopping, I put it off for 2 days. We had enough food in the house, as long as you were willing to eat what was there and not what you wanted. I finally got groceries today, but I didn't even have a list so who knows if I got what we needed. I bought milk, and we probably need bread instead. I did get fruits and veggies, so at least we won't get scurvy.

I need new slippers and some track pants, so I tried to go out today and get those off my list, and I just couldn't do it. I had no desire to buy stuff. What is wrong with me??? I love to shop! It's like a fun hobby, as long as I don't spend too much. Sometimes even buying boring stuff like groceries is enough to fill my retail therapy.....but not this week. I just didn't care.

I must have some sort of flu, like the bird flu or the bored housewife flu. Hopefully it doesn't last because I really do need those slippers. I wear my inserts in my slippers around the house and my latest pair is falling apart. Maybe I'm just done because I know I have the sleep study next week and I have given up on trying to stay awake and motivated.

I just hope it's over soon. What happens when I want something pretty and have no desire to get it?? Then what. Then I become one of those bored housewives that starts watching daytime TV and gets wrapped up in soap opera's and eating bon bons all day, that's what. Then I'll start wearing ugly sweat pants - not even cute ones - eating ice cream out of the container and talking to myself....more. Yes, I hope it's the flu. My husband even asked if I was feeling ok last night - and he never asks that when I am napping. He just assumes that I'm tired and took a nap, last night I was completely out of it. If I'm not feeling better by the weekend, I may need an intervention of some sort. Or maybe a hot holiday!

Back to square one...but just for today.

I had a game last night - we won! I didn't score, again, but I am really working on it. I went to the gym today thinking that I would be able to get those 19 laps in, and I just couldn't. I walked 2 and then tried to run one, but my foot hurt so bad, I knew I wasn't going to get any running done. I did some weights and stretching, so that counts for something. I'll try for 19 on Thursday.

I am so sick of being sore all the time - I can't rest because things hurt anyway. I've got to go get an x-ray of my hip as it's not doing any better, my feet felt like they were better after my Graston treatment yesterday, but it hurts too much right now to say that it's getting better. I have to believe it is getting better and will be good again, I can't live thinking that it will never get better. I hate to think that I am just getting old and that my body won't be able to bounce back from injuries. I think that might be it though.

I was NEVER an athlete, like ever, in my whole life, so I'm not sure if my body would have bounced back after an injury while I was younger. I am in better shape now than I have ever been and I hope I don't have to go to drastic measures to get my body in even better shape!

I really have nothing else interesting to say. I can't even say that what I wrote was all that interesting. I'm feeling a bit blah today - better than yesterday, but just by a hair. Here's hoping that something interesting happens, or I do something interesting soon. :)

18 laps, some angry housewives and a sleep study

I ran 18 laps today!!! Another personal best for me. It was a bit slower than usual today, my feet, hip and knees hurt a bit, but I did it!

I am having "PTA" related issues. Some people are in the position that they appear to have no life and therefore need to find something to bitch about. This week, that something was me. I sent out an email, nicely worded - trust me, I asked for 4 people's opinion! - about getting some help with a thing at school. I got "told on" by 3 people because that was not the right process in which to ask! Really??? This is what your life has become? Get a hobby! Get something to do. When you have so little to do that you need to bitch about an email asking for help, you need to find something to fill your time. I am currently the VP of the school council, and it is a possibility that I could, at some point, step into the presidential position. My worry is dealing with all those morons - do I really want or need that in my life? But if I'm in control, maybe I can take honesty to a whole new level. It'll be honesty all the time, no more PC pussyfooting around! Ha ha ha!! (evil laugh) Because honesty is the new evil.

On to the sleep study. I have an overnight study booked for 2 weeks from now. I get to go to the clinic at 9:30 pm, get hooked up to a bunch of electrodes and have people watch me while I sleep. Why yes, it does sound a bit creepy! I also have to stay until 5pm the next day! My husband thinks its crazy, but I have gotten to the point that I need to find out what my problem is so that I can get on with a fulfilling life. Not a life filled with tiredness and naps. My husband actually left our bed last night, in the middle of the night, because I was twitching out and making it impossible for him to sleep. Poor bugger. I hope they find an answer to my issue and we can get it resolved. My dream is to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and awake. Is that too much to ask? I hope not!

17 laps - 3 pounds = progress!

I ran 17 laps at the gym yesterday - a personal best...again. I am one upping myself every time I run to get my endurance up. Last year I wasn't even able to run one full lap - so I'd say that's pretty good progress. The girls on my team have noticed my progress as well, it made me feel awesome to have people tell me that I have improved.

I was also surprised to see a 3 pound loss on my scale. I was hoping for it, but I didn't really expect it. I have been so good - trying new ideas, keeping the calories in check. I am going to pig out on some Chinese food tonight though. I'll keep working hard, but without a cheat day, what's the point of living?

I am in desperate need of a soccer game however. I need to run and I need to bash someone into the boards...I don't care who. I am still having PC related issues and I need to blow off some steam. I have a game on Sunday, and then more coming up. The 2 weeks hiatus was a bit too much for me. I can't wait to get my butt out there and, well, kick some butt!

Beware - I'm on a rampage!

I am sick of living in this PC world - I am not PC. I am saying it here, loudly - because this is where I can say whatever I want (within reason of course - I'm not evil).

I sent out an email to get some help with a supper put on for the teachers of our school, by our social committee with the help of parent volunteers. Apparently my email offended someone, or many, so I've heard, no one came to me directly of course. I was polite - to the point, I asked for help because we weren't getting any. I sent it to people I had on my email list and asked the to forward my message. So let me ask - What the hell is wrong with that? I wasn't rude, I didn't tell all the parents that do nothing to stand up and do something for once! We have over 600 kids in our school and the same 10 people do the work every single time we have a function! Do the other parents just not care???? I know people are busy - I get that. I don't currently have a job - but even when I worked full time, I made sure that I helped out at school when I could. I'd go as far as taking my son to daycare just so I could go on a field trip with my daughter. Did I ever complain? NO!! Do you know why???? Because I care. I care about my kids, I care about their school, I care about what they are doing in school and I WANT to be a part of it. That is also another reason that I don't work - so I can be there for the kids. I know that isn't an option for all people, but I know at least 2 Moms at the school that work full time AND help out when they can. They do it because they care. They love what they do - they have career's, busy ones, and yet they find the time to help. Not all the time - that's unrealistic, but they help when they can fit it in.

Where the hell are the rest of the parents?? I think a lot of people are happy that they can send their kid to school so that they can forget about them, know they are being taken care of, and that's the end of their commitment. Maybe I am self righteous, maybe I am wrong - but in my heart, I know I'm not. I had kids because I wanted to love them and nurture them, be part of their lives.

I can't change the world, I know that. But I can stand up for what I believe. I do what I can for my kids, I try to help out other's when I can, I donate to organizations, I volunteer my time, I canvass for charity, I buy from fundraisers - because I am in a position to do so. It is my desire to help. All I expect is for people to stand up and do what THEY can. Stop being lazy asses, stop being 13 for one day and realize that YOU are the problem, not me! Stop complaining about how I offended you and ask yourself why you are offended. Do you know it's because I am right and you are too damn stupid to accept that or admit it? One person in particular should read this - but I know she won't. She is the one that's nice to my face and then turns on me and calls people to complain behind my back. She is the one that drives everyone crazy and no one can work with her. It's not us lady - it's all you! We're not the problem, the fact that you have no life and just live to create problems for others, that's the problem. You came to me because you couldn't work with the others - you had them ousted and put me in charge because you thought I'd be a pushover. Well surprise - I'm not! And I'm not going anywhere!

Now I feel much better. I'm glad I got that off my chest. I am never going to stop doing what I am doing, so either accept it or stay the hell out of my way!

Cause for celebration!

The CPAP machine is GONE!!! I know that for some people it works wonders, but it just didn't for me. I had to take a sleeping pill every night just to go to sleep with it on. After I took the pill, I'd have to wander aimlessly, take a shower, or do anything but go to bed. I had to wait until I could barely walk before I could fall into bed, put my face mask on and fall asleep. If I wasn't practically asleep when I put the mask on, well it just didn't last. Most nights I'd wake up in the middle of the night just to take the mask off.

So that's one therapy down - hopefully there are more to try. I know there is a mouth guard - but I'll wait and see what the doctor thinks my next step should be. I also bought a SAD light. I think that I should just live somewhere tropical that is always sunny, but my husband has to work. I could go without him, but then I'd really be sad!

Maybe I'll start tanning again too - that's a good light therapy. I'm not sure if I can hang on until we finally get summer! I'll have to fantasize about my vacation for now!

I was going to have a glass of wine to celebrate, but I had coffee instead. I am so boring!

1 week off + 16 laps = ouch

I have a feeling that I am going to be in some major pain tomorrow. I went and had Graston done on my feet - the Chiropractor was feeling particularly feisty this morning and dug in really deep. Then I had "therapy". They slap some electrodes to me and zap my body parts to get the blood moving. This morning I had therapy on my hip, which meant the therapy girl got all comfy cozy with me as she stuck the electrodes down my pants! I couldn't help myself from making snide comments about getting into my pants. She was mad at me because she couldn't stop laughing. What else do you do when a girl you barely know sticks her hands in your pants? That sounds so bad.

Then after taking all of last week off, I decided it was best to go for a nice long run at the gym. 15 laps was my previous best and I did 16 today!!! I did the last lap faster and even sprinted the last 1/4 lap! Why yes, I am amazing. It felt great. My feet are going to be mad at me later - especially if my soccer practice isn't cancelled. I may have to sleep with ice on my hip and foot.

Now I get to eat some lunch, take a shower and ....ug... work. I know, I almost never work, but I had a rush job on Friday that needs to be done today. I went out and took some pictures and got home, picked the ones I liked and ordered them. I got them back from the printers, now I have to frame them and put them up. The only minor problem was that I took a picture of a sign, and it has bird poop on it! I didn't even see it. I was going to edit it out, but I just don't have time. I'll just have to find a marker and color that spot in!

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night either, my daughter had insomnia which meant that I didn't get to bed until midnight. She came in my room just after midnight and I made her sleep with us just so I could sleep. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. I also got stuck in the middle and almost sweated us all out of bed. That's Monday for you. Thankfully it's a short school week!

It is always possible to approach a goal by a detour.

Theodor Reik

My week off

I took this whole week off of my life as I know it. I was at the new Science Centre in Calgary for 3 days in a row on a field trip with my son's class.

I made good healthy lunches and breakfast's, I'm sure walking around, and going up and down stairs all day is some exercise, but this week was unlike my normal routine in many ways. This week I actually used my brain more than I have in a VERY long time! I did have to take a nap everyday this week after school, I was ravenous at night, I didn't get anything done around the house, and we ran out of things like hand lotion and school snacks. But it was worth it!

I am not the kind of parent that sits back and just supervises the kids. I sat with them on the floor, laid on my belly to write in our journals, made movies in the Open Studio and played with everything I could get my hands on. (I also got to meet the cute, tall weather guy off Global news that I watch every morning. He probably thought I was crazy!) The kids know that I am enjoying myself and I had such a good time! I made a bunch of movies with rocks....not rock movies....movies with rocks, and I made a movie with a pencil drawing. It was the most brain stimulation of that kind that I've had since.....um...maybe ever! I've never done these things! My son makes stop time movies with Lego people and clay all the time, and I never understood why it was so much fun. I get it now.

I have always been very creative, but technology was a little out of my grasp. Today I found myself telling some of the kids about the things I have created and that I am an artist. I've never called myself that, but that is the only way to describe me. The kids saw the journal that I was supposed to be writing in, I wrote a lot over the 3 days and I sketched things and doodled. They wanted to know why I drew so much, and I told them because that is how I think. I learned a lot the last few days, but I think I taught a lot too. One boy, I've known him to be a bit of a trouble maker, he showed me what a leader he could be. I had a little chat with him and told him that was an amazing quality to have and to never feel bad about being a little bossy.

We have a saying in our house - my daughter was given a pillow with a phrase on it that suits her to a tee! It says "I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas!". I like to think that my husband and I are creating leaders, not just bossy little kids. Some of the best qualities of adults are the worst to deal with when it's a child with that quality. Another little girl was VERY honest, and while it can be a little embarrassing to deal with now, it will be amazing for her when she is an adult. She decided to ask me all about topless sunbathing that I do in Europe when we were eating lunch and then she asked about my tattoos! I'd love to talk to this kid without the other kids around, I think they made have been a little weirded out by our conversation! But to talk to her alone, that would be a very interesting conversation! This girl, as a side note, loves that I am an artist and has asked me to paint a picture for her for her birthday. I am going to start on that right away! I feel honoured that she asked.

So it was a busy week. Tomorrow I have to pick up a bunch of things, like bread and other essentials, and I think I deserve a little lunch out. I've worked hard this week. Next week I'll go back to watching myself, but tomorrow, I've earned lunch and maybe something pretty!