This sleep disorder is kicking my ass. Over the past few weeks, the side effects and the lack of wakefulness has lead me back to the doctor to change up my medication. So far, it's not going so well.
I started on one pill for the last 2 days, and I had to take 2 naps each day, and still felt like total crap. This morning I was allowed to up the pills to 2! So far, not bad. It didn't start off very well, but a little chat with friends in the brisk morning air helped me from going home and going straight back to bed. I feel half awake and ready to take on some laundry, more coffee and maybe I might even clean a bathroom!
I just want to get through the day without the absolute necessity of taking a nap. Is that too much to ask? I hope not. The last few nights my sleep has been terrible to top things of. My mouth has been so dry, I wake up feeling like the Sahara Desert has taken over my mouth. That happens a few times a night, so I know I am not getting restful sleep. My husband has been making fun of me too - the other night he asked me just how many things I had put in my mouth. The answer.....4. I have the top part of my appliance, the bottom part of my appliance and 2 sticky minty things that are supposed to help my mouth create saliva. Yes, I am super hot when I go to bed.
I have to get more of the minty sticky things because apparently, I can't sleep without those now either.
My sister would be so proud of me today though. I said no to something!!! It's a cookie exchange, and it's not a bad thing to do, but it's one more thing to add to my list that I really shouldn't be adding. So I told the girls I just couldn't do it! I can't believe I actually said no. That's a huge thing for me. I get such anxiety about doing things that I don't want to do, or just can't fit into my schedule. But I have to take care of myself and in order to do that, I have to stop taking other things on.
I have enough to deal with just trying to keep the house clean, food on the table, and laundry. Oh yeah, and staying awake long enough to spend time with the kids and the husband. Put soccer on top of that, all the appointments I have for my feet and the sleep issue, and it just gets to be too much. I am lucky, and VERY thankful, that I don't have to work on top of that. (Thanks be to Andre)
I'm still plugging away, some days are better than others. I do have hope. I am very thankful that I have some wonderful doctor's who listen - because I sure didn't have that before. I have doctor's who found the issue and are trying to fix it, I didn't have that before either. So I know that I am not alone, I am going in the right direction, and there will be a solution to this problem....I just have to be patient and wait for it to happen.
Until then, I will nap, try to get the necessities done, and be a little less hard on myself.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Let's just pause and appreciate how amazing I am!
I thought my head was big before, hitting a loss of 30 pounds yesterday, and my ego is just through the roof! I am 190 lbs, and I hope to break the 180's soon!!!!
I thought that with each pound I lost it would be a lot more exciting though. It's not. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my success, but where is my party? Why aren't people celebrating my huge milestones??? Oh yeah, this isn't tv. It's too bad, maybe a few balloons and some party horns might make it seem a bit more of a big deal. Maybe I should video tape the weigh in, or the trying on of all my clothes in my closet that are too big, and make my own soundtrack. Then I can watch it over and over again and really celebrate!
Fine, I'll just go buy myself something pretty, that fits, to celebrate instead!
I did have a bit of a tv moment at one of my games last week. I was in the corner at the opposing net when time stopped. No one moved....it was so quiet...you could hear the clock ticking. As I was standing there with the ball it really was like time stood still and I had a moment of clarity....something I don't get much in a game. It was just me and the ball, and one girl defending me. I thought long and hard and I made my move. I took a fake kick..... the defender ran the other way and I took a shot on net......and totally missed! But it was one hell of a moment in time for me. The girls on the bench were laughing their asses off. They couldn't believe that I had pulled off that move. To be honest, I was a bit of a panicky player before, and for me to make a move like that and have it work, well I had to laugh too! I did the same move against my coach the week before and burnt her - she was shocked! She's been there to watch me play from the start - so it was a bit of a surprise that after only a few seasons, I could burn around her!
It's hard to believe the person I was once has changed into the person I am today. I have my bad days, but for the most part, I am happy, healthy, in love, and so positive about everything. I never would have thought that I could be this person, strong, a leader, an athlete. I had a nurse yesterday accuse me of being perfect! That is not a word that I would use to describe me. She did feel better after she decided that I was probably vitamin D deficient! I most likely am. (Someone should really move me to a warmer climate - I am not meant for this cold. I should be somewhere warm, with my bikini on, running on the beach. Well not at the same time. Me and bikini running.....not yet thanks. I am still trying not to look like a rabid rottweiler when I run with clothes on!) I always wanted to be here, in this state of mind, I just wasn't sure it could happen. I never did want to be an athlete, but now that I am, I wish I would have thought of it sooner!
Yes, I am annoyingly happy. I've heard that only despair and scandal will get anything you post to go viral, so I am not going there anytime soon. But that's ok. I am happy, and I am not going to create shit and drama to get noticed.
I thought that with each pound I lost it would be a lot more exciting though. It's not. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my success, but where is my party? Why aren't people celebrating my huge milestones??? Oh yeah, this isn't tv. It's too bad, maybe a few balloons and some party horns might make it seem a bit more of a big deal. Maybe I should video tape the weigh in, or the trying on of all my clothes in my closet that are too big, and make my own soundtrack. Then I can watch it over and over again and really celebrate!
Fine, I'll just go buy myself something pretty, that fits, to celebrate instead!
I did have a bit of a tv moment at one of my games last week. I was in the corner at the opposing net when time stopped. No one moved....it was so quiet...you could hear the clock ticking. As I was standing there with the ball it really was like time stood still and I had a moment of clarity....something I don't get much in a game. It was just me and the ball, and one girl defending me. I thought long and hard and I made my move. I took a fake kick..... the defender ran the other way and I took a shot on net......and totally missed! But it was one hell of a moment in time for me. The girls on the bench were laughing their asses off. They couldn't believe that I had pulled off that move. To be honest, I was a bit of a panicky player before, and for me to make a move like that and have it work, well I had to laugh too! I did the same move against my coach the week before and burnt her - she was shocked! She's been there to watch me play from the start - so it was a bit of a surprise that after only a few seasons, I could burn around her!
It's hard to believe the person I was once has changed into the person I am today. I have my bad days, but for the most part, I am happy, healthy, in love, and so positive about everything. I never would have thought that I could be this person, strong, a leader, an athlete. I had a nurse yesterday accuse me of being perfect! That is not a word that I would use to describe me. She did feel better after she decided that I was probably vitamin D deficient! I most likely am. (Someone should really move me to a warmer climate - I am not meant for this cold. I should be somewhere warm, with my bikini on, running on the beach. Well not at the same time. Me and bikini running.....not yet thanks. I am still trying not to look like a rabid rottweiler when I run with clothes on!) I always wanted to be here, in this state of mind, I just wasn't sure it could happen. I never did want to be an athlete, but now that I am, I wish I would have thought of it sooner!
Yes, I am annoyingly happy. I've heard that only despair and scandal will get anything you post to go viral, so I am not going there anytime soon. But that's ok. I am happy, and I am not going to create shit and drama to get noticed.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
So much to do, so little motivation!
I have to admit, I've been getting some stuff done. Maybe it feels like I'm not because those things I have been getting done have been on my list for a VERY long time! I called Enmax....2 months after my contract expired. Ooops. They didn't care, I pay my bill, they charge me whatever they want. Now I don't have to call them again for 5 years! That is my kind of conversation. Oh good to hear from you, talk to you in 5 years!
I'm not anti social (much), I just find that too many people want my attention far too often. It's no wonder I hide in my house!
Is that abnormal? Most people want to be popular, I just want people to leave me alone! I think I've just gotten into the habit of saying yes...ok, I KNOW I've gotten into the habit of saying yes all the time. I really need to stop that and remember that my time is very valuable. It's all I have really. And I give it away! Well no more. I have to remind myself everyday that I can say no, and I have to keep myself calm instead of worrying about who will ask me to do what next. Read it slowly, I swear that sentence makes sense!
There are a few things that I like to offer myself up for - school stuff, soccer, coffee with people I actually like and want to spend time with. I've gone to 2 parties in the last 2 months and had a great time, because I actually wanted to be there. Normally I dread those things. I drove an hour and a half just to see my sister to go to a craft show. Totally worth my time!
I played up for the Premier soccer team last night - again, worth it. We did get our asses handed to us, 8-0, but it wasn't because of me! The other team is just that good. I told that team to call on me anytime. They even thanked me for coming! I'm sorry, but playing up for a team like that is huge for me. For them to thank me for being there instead of telling me that I suck - makes me feel pretty damn good! I was even told I played well! I scoffed at that, but I was assured that I did well and that I listen. That's a huge pat on the back for me!
I have a huge "to do" list and I guess I am working my way slowly through it. I think that I might be able to paint my master bedroom finally. I bought the paint at least 6 months ago! I had it checked, it's still good to use. I've been getting rid of crap, I still have a ton of crap to get rid of. I've gotten rid of a bunch of my clothes because they are WAYYYY too BIG!!!!! I have organized things and made appointments. So what if I take a day off here and there, I deserve it! (if you see my husband, remind him that I do deserve it!) I shovelled the walk already today too. I told my husband that with all the shovelling I have to do, there's no way I could ever get a job! He laughed....
It might sound odd that I have to remind myself of things everyday.....you can say no, you can take a day off, you don't have to do everything all the time. I guess I just get caught up worrying about everyone else that I forget about what is important to me. I'm not dumb, I'm just super forgetful. I'll just have to set up some reminders to myself to remember all that.
I'm not anti social (much), I just find that too many people want my attention far too often. It's no wonder I hide in my house!
Is that abnormal? Most people want to be popular, I just want people to leave me alone! I think I've just gotten into the habit of saying yes...ok, I KNOW I've gotten into the habit of saying yes all the time. I really need to stop that and remember that my time is very valuable. It's all I have really. And I give it away! Well no more. I have to remind myself everyday that I can say no, and I have to keep myself calm instead of worrying about who will ask me to do what next. Read it slowly, I swear that sentence makes sense!
There are a few things that I like to offer myself up for - school stuff, soccer, coffee with people I actually like and want to spend time with. I've gone to 2 parties in the last 2 months and had a great time, because I actually wanted to be there. Normally I dread those things. I drove an hour and a half just to see my sister to go to a craft show. Totally worth my time!
I played up for the Premier soccer team last night - again, worth it. We did get our asses handed to us, 8-0, but it wasn't because of me! The other team is just that good. I told that team to call on me anytime. They even thanked me for coming! I'm sorry, but playing up for a team like that is huge for me. For them to thank me for being there instead of telling me that I suck - makes me feel pretty damn good! I was even told I played well! I scoffed at that, but I was assured that I did well and that I listen. That's a huge pat on the back for me!
I have a huge "to do" list and I guess I am working my way slowly through it. I think that I might be able to paint my master bedroom finally. I bought the paint at least 6 months ago! I had it checked, it's still good to use. I've been getting rid of crap, I still have a ton of crap to get rid of. I've gotten rid of a bunch of my clothes because they are WAYYYY too BIG!!!!! I have organized things and made appointments. So what if I take a day off here and there, I deserve it! (if you see my husband, remind him that I do deserve it!) I shovelled the walk already today too. I told my husband that with all the shovelling I have to do, there's no way I could ever get a job! He laughed....
It might sound odd that I have to remind myself of things everyday.....you can say no, you can take a day off, you don't have to do everything all the time. I guess I just get caught up worrying about everyone else that I forget about what is important to me. I'm not dumb, I'm just super forgetful. I'll just have to set up some reminders to myself to remember all that.
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