I took a nap....

I had to, I have been so tired!  I've been doing really well - with the exception of last Saturday when I missed my window to take my medication.  I thought taking one day off wouldn't hurt, well it did, and if I do it again, it might hurt more than just me.  I almost took my husband's head off yelling at him to leave me alone and just let me sleep!  I took 3 naps that day.

I also thought that not taking my night time medication wasn't a big deal either....wrong again.  I have learned my lesson.  Until I have this sleep disorder under control, I am NEVER going to forget my medication again.

My medication is not there to make me feel a bit better, it's not there because I just love the high it gives me.  It doesn't give me a high at all.  It makes it possible for me to get through the day without falling asleep on the couch, or God forbid, at the wheel.  It's not fun, I don't love it.  I think that certain people, who shall remain nameless, just don't understand that this is a medical condition, not just a little problem that I can deal with myself.  It's like having a broken leg, can I live with it, sure.  Will I be able to do normal things, no.

I was kind of secretive about the whole medication thing, I didn't want people to think that I am "on speed" because I want to be.  I also don't like the way some people react when I say I have to take medication to keep me awake during the day and another to put me to sleep at night.  Don't you think I'd rather be able to do those things all by myself?  The medication sucks, the side affects, the dry mouth.  It's not a fun time.

Even without the medication, which I hope to be off someday, I will probably always have to have the mouth appliance.  Yay.  My body is too stupid to wake up and stay up and then shut down and stay down for extended periods of time....you know, for 2 hours or so.  The upside of this whole thing is that someone finally understood that I was more than just tired.  That we have modern science to make sure I can live a productive life, and that this is not life threatening.  I really am thankful for all of that.

Before this, I was a cranky bitch!  I realized that the whole bitch part is kind of my personality, but I think I am way less cranky.  The kids don't agree, but what the heck do they know?  Maybe they just liked it when I was napping and they could do whatever they wanted.  Now that I am awake, I am all over them to do their chores and be active people.

I am up now, and I will get on with my day.  I will try harder to get more sleep.  Can someone please tell my husband that I need more sleep?  He doesn't seem to listen to me.  We have a PVR, record your damn shows honey!

PS...did I mention that I love him even though he drives me crazy?  Just thought I should mention that!

Time to run inside!

The plan this morning was to prepare myself for a quick, cold, 2km run.  I put on 3 shirts, a hat, some tights and my track pants, but I forgot gloves.  I doesn't matter though, because I think the chances of me running outside again this year are just about done.  I may get one or two more in, but that's about it.     I think it's time to go back to running inside on the track.

I did remember my Micoach, and instead of doing a quick 2km, I did 3!  I was quite pleased with myself.  I have an issue with knowing the distance of anything, a foot, a kilometre, a yard.  I know the distance that they stand for, but I just don't get how it applies to actual space.  It's just not where my talents lie.  But that's ok, 3km instead of 2 is just fine by me!

Soccer is in full swing, well for everyone except me!  I did get to play in a tournament 2 weeks ago, but I don't play again for another week.  Funny story, the tournament I played in was for Premier, which is above where I play in Classics 1.  I never would have played had I known that.  But I didn't, and I did play, and it was worth every painful step.  I played fairly well after the first half of the first game.  Indoor soccer is quick, I forgot that over the summer.  I even scored a goal!  It was awesome.  I can't wait for my season to start!

The kids are done their first 2 games already and have had some practices.  My son's team will probably do well, my daughter's team needs a lot of work, but that's what practice is for!  At least the girls seem to get along well and don't get down when they lose a game.  I've got to really work hard on my coaching skills for them this season.

So after my little mental break, things have been gong well.  I am super busy, but what else is new.  The last 2 weeks were probably the worst and I feel like I am moving into a nice, less chaotic pace.  Don't tell anyone, but I have today and tomorrow free of all appointments.  I am not going to clean the house because I actually got that done on the weekend, and I can concentrate on my list of what needs to be done.  Without my lists, I'd be lost!

I really do like to be busy, it makes relaxing feel so much more indulgent!  Last night, the kids had a game and a practice, we got home at 8:30, kids to bed by 9:15 and my husband had a game at 10pm.  That meant that I had a few hours of alone time in my own home!  It was awesome, I watched tv and had secret ice cream....kind of a lot of it!  Luckily, I was still down a pound this morning!  Sometimes I think the body just needs ice cream to help the weight loss along.  Yes, that is a real theory of mine, and I stick by it!  I ate like crap the last 2 weeks and put 4 pounds back on, but I am down 3 again because I have been eating like a normal healthy person.

I am also in very stiff competition with my husband.  I have never weighed less than him our whole relationship, until just a few weeks ago.  The bugger is 3 pounds less than me right now though, but I will get him.  Even if I have to sabotage him!!  No, I am not better than that.  I am going to win this one!

Note to self, blog more, because I just end up rambling when I don't do it enough.  I must go work on my Halloween outfit, and take a shower, and make some lists.  This is nice, no pressure today!

Stress - Sleep = mild mental breakdown

I've had a few busy days, I'm in the middle of a soccer tournament during the week and the games are really late at night.  I have a game every night, with the exception of last night, I couldn't play because I had a meeting for the school.  On top of that, things are busy as usual, I don't have my own car because I sold mine and my new car isn't in yet - but I have to get all the paperwork ready for the new car.  I was just voted in as School Council chair and have lots to do for that, a handful of appointments, and I recently came off my anti depressants.

Last night I went to my meeting, the things I asked my husband to do didn't get all done, so I had to deal with that this morning.....and then I got a text from my Mom that my Dad went in for surgery....surgery that goes really close to his brain.  That just put me right over the edge.  I yelled at the kids, barely got them to school on time and then lost it on the playground.  My sweet friend Robin was trying to be nice, but hugging me just makes my cry more.  So I spent about 2 hours this morning crying.  I cried at the Chiropractor's office, in the car, at Winners.  I finally stopped crying just before lunch, but by then I had a massive headache that I just can't shake.

I took the day of from life, and as expected, it has caught up with me, already!  I need to get the laundry out of the baskets at least, I set up the insurance for the car, I haven't made supper and just thinking about food makes me want to barf.  I should really do the dishes, but I just don't want to.  I have to get rid of this headache before my 10pm game tonight!

So what am I doing now?  Avoiding all of it of course!  The good news is that I am aware of why I am upset, I know it will pass and if I could just get rid of the headache, I think I could be ok.  My doctor told me there'd be days like this.....

OK - off I go.  I will just remind myself that I am fine, everything is fine.  Don't worry, I am not having a full mental break, just a really small one.  I'm ok, I swear.  I sent a really mad text to my husband this morning and by the time I actually talked to him on the phone, I had forgotten most of what I was mad about!  My life is great, I am allowed to have a break down now and again.  Ok, I'm really going to go do stuff now!