In response to Real Simple's article on how to spend time alone.

I've said this before, I will say it again.  I read, a lot.  I just can't get enough.  Books, magazines, it doesn't matter, I need to read.

While perusing the January issue of Real Simple, I read a piece inside the article "10 Things your Mother never taught you".  I can't comment on that specifically, as I am sure that there are more than 10 things in life that my Mother never taught me.  No offence to my Mom, but she never taught me how to complain and get my way - I learned that the hard way.  She also never taught me how to use a computer, how to get vomit out of clothes, and how to mix drinks.  And those little tidbits weren't in that article!  She did however teach me how to be independent, how to do laundry....after I bitched too many times about how she didn't wash my clothes quick enough.  She kind of taught me how to drive, I already knew by the time she took me out, but she supervised.  She taught me how to clean a bathroom properly, how to make chocolate cake and how to answer the phone in a professional manner.  Those are important things.  But I digress...

The topic I am trying to get to is the bit called "How to spend time alone".  Now this, being alone, I am very good at this.  I LOVE being alone.  I love my kids and my husband, but being alone keeps me sane.  The thing that got me about this article was "Unless a person has a lot of psychological tools at her disposal, the mind is not a pleasant place to inhabit", it also stated that "We have evolved for survival, not happiness, and thus we have a natural tendency to focus on the negative".  I for one, do not agree.  I love being alone with my thoughts.  The first thought is always.....I have an hour alone!!!!  What can I do in one hour that will make me the happiest?

The answer is read, most of the time anyway.  Whether it is a book, or even reading stupid things on the Internet - all the funny stuff I search for on pintrest, looking at facebook stuff.  Whatever will make me the happiest at that moment wins.  Sometimes I do cleaning and laundry, get all the boring stuff done.  But I know that being alone is the best part of my day some days.

What do other people do and think about when they are alone?  I think about what I want for the future, what I want to watch on TV, what I think about things that are happening in my life, what could I do to make my life better?  I also think about what needs to be done around the house, what errands I need to do and what project I can dream up next.  I don't dwell on negative crap - it is such a waste of time.  And honestly, if you can't be alone with your own thoughts, how can you stand yourself?  I'm sorry, but if you are so pathetic that you can't be alone, who would ever want to be that person with you so you are not alone?

I've recently realized that I am not really anti social, as those who know me have always thought.  I am an introvert.  Ok, have your laugh, but it's true.  Sometimes, when I am feeling not so great - when I am tired, or my medication isn't working, I don't even want to talk to people.  I dread it!  Not for reason's that you might think, only god knows what that might be!  I just find that some people take up too much of my time, and I have a hard time walking away, or telling people that I have to go.  Therefore, I sit there, and listen to people drone on about shit that I don't care about.  And there are so many things that I just don't care about!

When I am feeling better, more like how I am supposed to feel, I can remind myself that I have the choice to walk away from people, to stop them from taking up my time.  I also have earphones that I can shove in my ears to drive people away!

Another point in this article is the difference between being alone privately and alone publicly.  My Mom, funny that she really did teach me this, told me to learn how to eat alone.  She never did, well the last time we talked about this she hadn't.  She hated to eat alone, she thought it would be a brave thing to be able to be alone in public and not ashamed of it.  That is the best lesson my Mom ever taught me.  I LOVE to eat alone.  Yes I bring a book, mainly because I love to read, but also so that people don't try to talk to me.  I don't want them to!  I am not sad to be alone, I am thrilled!  I also shop alone, go to movies alone...and yes, laugh my ass off or cry if I want to.  I'm not sure if there is anything that I don't or can't do alone.

Maybe I am unusual, ok, I know I am, but in this way specifically.  When I am out alone, I don't think (or care) if people are looking at me.  I don't care what they think about me being alone.  I am happy about it, I am more than content and I am never bored alone.  My mind can occupy me for hours.  When the kids are at school and I am home alone, I don't watch TV, I don't talk on the phone.  Sometimes I listen to music, but for the most part, it's just me and my mind having a very pleasant time.

So I say to you - writer of this article in Real Simple.  Pull your head out of your ass.  If you truly believe that the "mind is not a pleasant place to inhabit", you have some real issues and maybe you shouldn't be telling other people what to do if you can't even stand to be alone with yourself!  I wonder how other people feel about that.  And if you don't like to be alone, why not?  Maybe you should get to a point where being alone is not only something you can do, it's something that you like to do.  To love your own company, that is a great thing.