I'm Awake!!!

Some newer new meds, a trip to Cuba, Christmas, a New Year, 2 kids, one husband, and I am finally awake!!!  I feel like I can conquer the world!  Ok, I feel like I can clean the house and stay awake all day, but to me, that's about the same thing!

I am almost at the end of the line as far as medications go - there is only one left to try if the one I am on right now doesn't work.  But it is working right now, and I will take that for as long as I can.  The side effects are less, and dry mouth, well I guess I can deal with that.  I did go back on anti-depressants.  I didn't want to, because I am not "depressed".  However, I think my life is awesome, everything is great and I just couldn't seem to deal.  After lengthy conversations with all 3 of my doctor's, they advised that I am "depressed" and told me to go back on those meds.

I know why there is such stigma over the whole mental illness issue - and the medications that go with it.  I am not sad, nor am I suicidal.  I do not have issues, I have a chemical imbalance that leads me to be quite incapable with dealing with life.  And like I said, I have a good life.  I am not broke, my marriage is solid, my kids are great, I don't have job issues or anything like that.  I simply lack the ability to create the correct chemicals to keep me...stable...awake, able to cope.  It's the same as having diabetes, my body just doesn't make the right amount of things and therefore I need medication.  Is it a mental illness, well yeah - it's all in my head!  But whatever.  I know what I need to do and I am willing to do it so that I can cope with being awesome.

Cuba was lovely, the food is worse than everyone says - a lot of it was inedible, not just bland.  I ate a lot of bread and my body didn't like that.  I hope to be back to normal within the month.  It may take a lot of prunes and broccoli, but I am willing to do what needs to be done to get things moving again!  (TMI, I know!)  It was hot every day that we were there, the beach was amazing, the ocean even better.  I got a great tan and the vitamin D boost that I needed.  The kids loved the water and the sun, and spending time together.  We had a lot of fun and I don't regret going, but I doubt we'd go back there.  We'll have to find another hot place that meets our requirements.

Christmas was wonderful - it was just the 4 of us for both Christmas eve and day.  I loved it!  I didn't leave the house or get out of my jammies for 2 whole days!  Heaven!  Then the kids and I set off to see my family, it was actually a really nice visit.  I let all of my tension about it go, and just had a good time.  The nephews are so awesome, they are just great boys and I love to see them.  They are all so different, and a lot alike at the same time.  They make me laugh and the older boys even stood still while I hugged them!  Last time I saw them I had to pin one of them against the wall with a chair to get a hug.  I did take it a bit too far and tried to hug them multiple times.  The little ones hugged me every time I asked, and that was so awesome!

The New Year was rung in with wine and just the 4 of us again.  It was good.  We spent yesterday at the lake tobogganing and skating, and then we started the cleaning of the basement.  That is ongoing and will be for some time.  In the chaos of it all, we lost a goalie glove and we are trying to find it by cleaning the house top to bottom.  We spring clean in the winter anyway, and we were due.  I do hope we find it!

I also had a soccer tournament over the holidays, I played 3 games out of 4 and we won silver!  I didn't injure myself and only fell down once - but it wasn't even because I am clumsy!

I look forward to the next few days with the kids - we have a lot planned, and lots of downtime too!  Next week will be back to normal, and I am even looking forward to that.  Now that I can stay awake and I don't feel like a zombie, I know that I will be able to get done all the things I have been planning to do!

Happy New Year!  I hope you are as excited as I am for the future!