I can't be nice anymore

I just read an article in this month's Cosmo, called Stop being so Damn Polite by Mika Brzezinski. It's all about the difference between being liked and being respected. A quote from it "Women try hard not to seem bitchy by being too agreeable". It's true. To be completely honest, most times, you should hear the stuff that I am thinking in my head when talking to people. Most times, it's not very nice.

I am a take charge kind of girl, when I know what I want, I go out and get it. When I don't know what I want, or have no opinion, it's fine, you can have your way instead. No big deal. I am thinking that I need to take a step back into my bitchy ways. When I was a teenager, I was a bit of bitch, but looking back, maybe I was aware of what I wanted and didn't let anyone get in my way. Why is that so bitchy?

A few years ago I had a situation that was out of my control, and once I was back from being comatose, I took charge again.....but maybe too much. People let me get away with saying ANYTHING I wanted, because I had been traumatized and was trying to heal. I took it too far. I became a bit of an asshole. Then I started to hold my tongue. Not all the time, but I certainly didn't say a lot in fear of hurting people's feelings. I think I know what middle ground is now and I think I will live there. I went out for lunch with the girls the other day, and every time I thought something that was not so nice, whatever I was thinking came out of another girls mouth. I really thought about that. Why didn't I just say what I was thinking? Maybe I was scared of what they would think of me. I do like them and didn't want anyone to be mad. But they weren't mad at the other girl. So that, coupled with the Cosmo article made me realize, I have to get a bit of the bitch back. I am tired of people being stupid and saying stupid things to me and me holding my tongue.

I can't go back and say, "Hey, you remember when you said this....?" so I will post those grievances here and move forward with saying something next time. Here goes...

...if you need to find an address or telephone number, look it up! I am not your Internet, nor am I your phone book. I am not your driver or your bank. I am also not your therapist....especially if you never listen to me anyway!

...Don't tell me that your kid goes to Catholic school because the GPA is higher. That is not a bad reason at all, but when you and your husband are atheist's and you go around blaspheming at the school yard, it is not ok. I WILL say something next time. DO NOT send your kid to my Catholic school and then dis the school and God. If you don't like the religious aspect of the school GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!! Be at the school and don't talk shit about it or leave.

..I am not ok with being in your life if it's just convenient to you. I bent over backwards for you and now you can't bother to call me because you are busy? Well listen here - we are ALL busy. You make time for what is important. Now I know that I am not important to you. I will never change my plans for you again. I will never let you take advantage of me again.

....When I email you and tell you things, especially bad things that have happened, I don't need to hear your bad things. I just wanted to tell you and have an ear for a minute. You don't always have to be more important.

....I don't need you advice on what I am good at, nor do I need your praise when you think it will "make me feel better". I know when praise is deserved. I don't need your false compliments, I like me, I don't care if you do. And no, I didn't lose weight ok? My life does not revolve like that.

Whew...that felt good! Just so you know, I am good, I'm not mad or anything, I am just tired of people being stupid assholes. I have shit going on in my life too, and I make do just fine. I take charge and do something about it. So that's that. I am back and I am never going to stifle myself again. ( Ok, I know I will, but only so that I don't hurt people or say something just to be an asshole. I will only say something if it's justified. And my mother in law is allowed to say anything she wants, and I will always let it slide from now on. I've learned that I can count on her and I will never be mean to her again simply out of respect.) Hey Tricia, just so you know, I really am good. I took your advice, and I appreciate you saying something even though it might have felt a bit awkward for you to say something. So you don't have to worry, I am so good. It feels awesome to feel this way - back in control. I am not going to be a bitch, I am just not going to take shit anymore.