Chaos, chaos, chaos, soccer.

The other night I had a bit of a breakdown, everything just accumulated and had a bit of a cussing session. It seems I was a tad bit overwhelmed. Each night I tuck in my kids, they have such a hard time letting me go. I love to snuggle with them and talk, but I also have crap to do and a husband that I'd like to spend some alone time with.

My son didn't want to let me go. He just wanted to talk and snuggle, but then he told me that he thought my daughter got so much more time with me, which totally isn't true, and that he never gets enough time with me. I am ALWAYS here. I don't go out at night without them very often, I am always here after school, in the evenings, I am just always here. I am here by choice, I love my kids and I am always with them because I love to be. Maybe he was having an off night, but I was a bit upset that he felt he needed more.

Then I went to see my daughter, and I apologise for telling everyone this, but she had her period and she was uber bitchy. Then she was crying and upset that her hair was boring and she wanted something different, but everyone else's hair is boring too. How do you respond to that? I offered to cut her hair into a mohawk and she was not impressed. She didn't even laugh! I told her that because of her age and the fact that she had her period, now was not the right time to be making a decision about her hair because she would end up regretting it. Then she said that she wanted bangs! I hate bangs. Not on everyone - but certainly on me. I can't stand to have hair touching my face. But for my sweet daughter, with naturally curly hair that makes her crazy so much that she pins her hair back at night, she just cannot have bangs! I am not going to listen to how much she hates her bangs because they are poofy and stick out! She had to grow out her side bang because of the curl, and she wants bangs? No way. As a good parent, you have to make those tough decisions for your kids.

So after all that, I went downstairs and swore a blue streak at my husband. He was very sweet and sympathetic. I think I just needed to get it out. I did feel a whole lot better after swearing and crying a bit.

I have increased my antidepressant dosage, I think you can see why! So the whole family was in emotional chaos. Luckily I had my first indoor soccer game of the season last night and was able to get out some pent up frustrations. I needed that! I played fairly well and we won the game! I can barely walk today - my foot is really sore and my calf is tight, but it'll pass. I went for my first session of acupuncture today and I hope that will help. The doctor even said that I have awesome calves! Soccer calves baby!

Unfortunately my son has been vomiting all night and most of today, so today was a bit of a wash. I think I am on the up though. I'll go to bed really early and start fresh tomorrow.