Adult Conversations....but its not what you think

I just had a bunch of the school Mom's over for coffee this morning. We bagged some candy for Easter, talked, had coffee and snacks - and it was all hosted by me! I know, I invited people over to my house willingly!

It's not that I don't like to entertain, but I used to be so high strung about it and now I know that I don't have to be. I decided to have them over because I need to make those connections with people. We have been going out for lunch, a bunch of us, from time to time, and I thought coffee would be a nice (inexpensive) way to chat and discuss whatever.

The coffee couldn't have gone better. It was nice to just sit around and chat, ask opinions, get advice, get contacts for endeavours. It was just a really nice thing to be able to do. I don't have a ton of friends and I really like these girls, why not try to make a bit more out of the friendships.

My daughter is having issues with friends right now and I asked the girls advice. They gave me some good ideas, but the best advice was the fact that I was able to go out on a limb and just invite people into my world. People who are not the same as me - different upbringings, different experiences, different income levels - none of that matters when you have someone that you can talk to. It doesn't matter if they agree with my opinions, it does matter that we can have a conversation, and I leave the conversation feeling like I connected with someone. All these girls are so different, and yet we have the same things going on in our lives.

It was such a relaxed visit. The other girls now feel that we should do this once a month, revolve the location, and I couldn't agree more. For a very long time, I didn't have any friends, and I didn't feel like I needed any. I now feel like I have lots of friends and it feels so good to be able to talk to someone about all sorts of things, trivial, serious, it doesn't matter. It just felt nice to have people around me again. I never used to be alone when I was a teenager, I surrounded myself with people because I always felt so alone. Being with people didn't seem to help, but I kept trying. I don't feel alone anymore - mostly because the relationship with my husband is so good, but I have friends too, and that feels wonderful.

Making a connection with someone is really everything in life. My connection to my kids and husband are paramount, but you add a connection to some friends and life just feels complete. I don't have connections much with my family - my sister, whom I adore, is really all I have, and I wouldn't give her up for the world. But having a few friends that I can talk to on a daily basis really changes how I feel some days. They are there to hug me when I'm upset, and let me yell when I need to. I think it's going to be a whole lot of fun getting to know these girls even better.

20 laps!!! oh yeah, and the overnight sleep study

My wired up face and "robot" box. And Yes, I do look like crap, thanks for noticing.

I ran 20 laps today!!! Yeah me! It was a slow one today, but I did it and it felt great!

Last night I did the overnight sleep study. I have to say I was a bit nervous, but it wasn't all that bad. The worst part was being bored, and very tired. I went to the clinic at 9:30 pm and hung out for a while while the other patients were being hooked up and put to bed. Finally I was ready to be hooked up at about 10:30. I had electrodes hooked to wires attached to my face, head, chest and legs. It didn't hurt, it was pretty boring though. It took about 45 minutes to get me all hooked up and then I was sent to bed. Once in bed they hooked me to the wall, put a nose tube on and told me to go to sleep. I was able to have a sleeping pill, which was probably the only way I was going to get to sleep with all that crap on me.

The bed was comfy enough, it was dark and quiet, I can't complain about that. What bugged me was they let me be in bed for 8 hours, regardless of how much sleep I actually got, and pulled me out of bed. I woke up with a monster headache. I got up, brushed my teeth, ate some breakfast and watched the news. I felt like total crap and couldn't wait for my first nap. I got to nap at about 10am, and I have to say, this was the worst part of the study. They put me to bed, and I was able to stay in bed for 20 minutes. 20 MINUTES????!!! Holy crap - I had barely even fallen asleep and there they were over the intercom, wake up Pam! It sucked.

So I got up, sat around, read a book, watched a bit of tv and tried very hard not to fall asleep. Did I mention that the headache got worse? Well it did. I had a little lunch and then was able to nap again at noon. Guess what? It was another bullshit 20 minute nap! I was so mad, I felt like crap, I had a headache, I was nauseous, I was not in a good place. That went on all day, read, watch tv, stretch, walk around an area the size of my bathroom, nap, read, watch tv.....you get the picture. At about 5pm I was allowed to go home. I perked up a bit for that.

I went home, which was a 5 minute drive to my house, took a VERY long shower to get the antiseptic stink off me and the glue out of my hair and sat down to watch a little soccer. By 7pm I was passed out on the couch. I got up at 8, got some ice cream to make myself feel better, put the kids to bed and sat around. I still had the headache and I still felt like total crap. I took a sleeping pill that night and slept like the dead.

I get my test results in 2 weeks, which I will blog about whether it's good or bad. It was a very frustrating experience. I hope I don't have to do it again. I hope they found the reason I have such sleep issues. I hope they have a way to fix me, even if it is whatever the legal version of speed is.

19 laps!!!!!

I ran 19 laps today!! I am so impressed with myself! That is huge progress over the last year, but great progress even in the last few weeks! I remember when I started running, I couldn't even do one lap, and that was with my husband pushing me.

I am very pleased with myself as you can see. I even forgot my ipod this morning and it didn't slow me down one bit. I figured I would think to myself and work on my goal list. So far I got to see how many laps I can do, and then maybe when I get to 25, work it so I can run 25 faster each time. That kills a few goals with one stone - that'll make me less jiggly, I will be a faster runner and it might help my soccer game. That is officially my first goal!! Yeah, look at me go!

I figure while I'm at the sleep study tomorrow, I will use that time to make my goal list and my many ways of reaching them. All I really can do there is sit around. They may let me go for a walk, but I'll have electrodes from head to toe - literally - so I'm not sure if I can. I will if they let me.

Now I must make myself smell better and get some errands checked off the ever expanding list! Have a fab Tuesday!

New Goals

When I was 20, I made a list of goals that I wanted to achieve within the next 5 years. It took me just about the right amount of time to achieve those goals...and I was happy. Not totally happy overall, but at least pleased that I had achieved some things that I thought were worthwhile. Its been 10 years or more since I made that list and I think about it from time to time. I don't have any goals.

Yes, I'd like to be a better soccer player, a better Mom, more organized, more fit, less jiggly, but I've never really written those things down and made them goals that I would like to achieve. As a side note, I should mention that the original list I made had "lose 20 pounds" on it. That was the only goal that I didn't meet. Instead I packed on 40, at some points more, and I have been there ever since.

Looking at the list I just made, maybe it's time to get some hot pink paper out and make those real goals. They are good things to do and very worthwhile. I do not have any career goals at this time because I am a kept woman, and very happy and content being that. Content may not be the right word though. Maybe indulgent, frivolous, entitled...those may be more accurate. Maybe that's what my problem is. I am a bit wayward, without a schedule, without guidelines in my life. Yes I work out, I'm a good Mom, I try to be organized, but maybe if I started with those goals, they would lead to more goals. Yes, I realize that I am just writing out loud...if you will.

Ok, so that settles it. I will make some real goals, some ways to achieve them and that might just be the start of something. I always have an excuse it seems. This week it's the sleep study, which is tomorrow night. I am a bit nervous, mostly about what the heck am I going to wear to sleep in, especially since someone will be watching me all night. The sleep study takes up tomorrow night and most of Wednesday, so I kind of lose a day. And I'm tired, which is why I am going to the sleep study, but that is my main excuse for everything. I'm too tired to make healthy choices, too tired to tidy up, too tired to make a list. I am, surprisingly, never too tired for a soccer game or the gym, and yet I am still jiggly. Is it wrong to put this list off until Thursday? I need to get my ass in gear, make some plans and do them. If I do that, then I can plan around all my plans! Do you see how unorganized my brain is??

I need to take a few minutes, get my brain focused and make a list. I need to make the goals and achieve the goals so I feel like I am doing something with my life and not just floating on the breeze accomplishing nothing. I think I need a life coach!

Good News

I am feeling much better today - the tiredness is not gone, but definitely much better. Maybe I will get some slippers today after all!

There is definitely something wrong with me...

I have lost the will to shop!

It stared with grocery shopping, I put it off for 2 days. We had enough food in the house, as long as you were willing to eat what was there and not what you wanted. I finally got groceries today, but I didn't even have a list so who knows if I got what we needed. I bought milk, and we probably need bread instead. I did get fruits and veggies, so at least we won't get scurvy.

I need new slippers and some track pants, so I tried to go out today and get those off my list, and I just couldn't do it. I had no desire to buy stuff. What is wrong with me??? I love to shop! It's like a fun hobby, as long as I don't spend too much. Sometimes even buying boring stuff like groceries is enough to fill my retail therapy.....but not this week. I just didn't care.

I must have some sort of flu, like the bird flu or the bored housewife flu. Hopefully it doesn't last because I really do need those slippers. I wear my inserts in my slippers around the house and my latest pair is falling apart. Maybe I'm just done because I know I have the sleep study next week and I have given up on trying to stay awake and motivated.

I just hope it's over soon. What happens when I want something pretty and have no desire to get it?? Then what. Then I become one of those bored housewives that starts watching daytime TV and gets wrapped up in soap opera's and eating bon bons all day, that's what. Then I'll start wearing ugly sweat pants - not even cute ones - eating ice cream out of the container and talking to myself....more. Yes, I hope it's the flu. My husband even asked if I was feeling ok last night - and he never asks that when I am napping. He just assumes that I'm tired and took a nap, last night I was completely out of it. If I'm not feeling better by the weekend, I may need an intervention of some sort. Or maybe a hot holiday!

Back to square one...but just for today.

I had a game last night - we won! I didn't score, again, but I am really working on it. I went to the gym today thinking that I would be able to get those 19 laps in, and I just couldn't. I walked 2 and then tried to run one, but my foot hurt so bad, I knew I wasn't going to get any running done. I did some weights and stretching, so that counts for something. I'll try for 19 on Thursday.

I am so sick of being sore all the time - I can't rest because things hurt anyway. I've got to go get an x-ray of my hip as it's not doing any better, my feet felt like they were better after my Graston treatment yesterday, but it hurts too much right now to say that it's getting better. I have to believe it is getting better and will be good again, I can't live thinking that it will never get better. I hate to think that I am just getting old and that my body won't be able to bounce back from injuries. I think that might be it though.

I was NEVER an athlete, like ever, in my whole life, so I'm not sure if my body would have bounced back after an injury while I was younger. I am in better shape now than I have ever been and I hope I don't have to go to drastic measures to get my body in even better shape!

I really have nothing else interesting to say. I can't even say that what I wrote was all that interesting. I'm feeling a bit blah today - better than yesterday, but just by a hair. Here's hoping that something interesting happens, or I do something interesting soon. :)