What's your closet?

My closet?  I'm a crier, I'm super emotional.  I try to stifle it, I try to be discreet, I try to breathe through it....but all the while, my body is shaking, I start to make little squeaky noises.  I try so hard to be a cute little dainty crier, but I just can't do it.  I sob, I breathe loudly, I sniffle.  I     just     cry.

Ok, maybe that's just the closet door.  My closet is that I am affected so deeply by all of the things around me.  I try to step back, not be touched by the things that go on around me, and I just can't.

The love for my kids, that makes me cry more than I can tell you.  My kids would tell you.  Mom, are you going to cry?  Yes, kid, yes I am.  And it's ok to cry.  I just love them so much, my body is so filled and overflows with love for them.  I want to hold them and kiss them forever, I want to keep them with me all the time.  But I can't.  They seem to think they "need" to go to school!  So....I cry.  And they cry with me, because they have the same feelings towards me.

The sadness around me, the hope, the fear, the people reaching out, that gets to me.  I can't be there for everyone.  I have to pick and choose who I can feel for.  Most, are not deserving.  They want.  Yes, that's it, they just WANT.  They don't need, they want approval, they want love, but they don't need it, they just think it should be theirs.  They don't want to work for it, they wouldn't appreciate it.  Everyday I have to stop myself from caring about everything because it would just break me.

So I cry.  I cry because I can't make other's see what I see, and I can't give them what they need.  The ones that get it, they cry with me.  Not unhappy tears, the happy, fulfilled, overflowing tears that you just can't stop.  The crying because a song is just so beautiful, the crying that a person just said something that makes absolute sense, the crying because I know that someone else gets it.

I can't stop it, but one day, I hope to control it a little better.  I do not look good even after a little cry.  I turn all red, my nose is stuffy and hurts, my eyes just won't focus.

Upworthy got me again this morning - a post that made me be able to put more words to how I am feeling, and why.  The more I know that other people get it, the more I cry.  It's nice to be able to express how I feel in words instead of tears, even if they aren't my words.  One day I'd like to be able to just express myself instead of crying, instead of holding back all the time.

Upworthy - Ash Beckham

Rules to Live by

Be Authentic
Be Direct
Be Unapologetic