The depression fog has just lifted! Yay!
I am super tired right now, but in the giddy overtired, I'm talking crazy, kind of way. But the little fog I have been in seems to be clearing. I got up this morning and everything just seemed ok again.
I don't know if it was sadness about losing the kids to school, or what, but I was not feeling all that great the last week or so. I don't know why I'd be sad about the kids, they are so noisy, and they fight, and they always want me to feed them! But they are super cute and snugly, and they have fun stories. You can see how I might be torn about losing them for the school day.
I've got lots done already today - I took a nice walk, had some good conversation, made a bunch of appointments...by calling people on the phone! I also called the pharmacy and spoke to a real person to get my refills, I spoke to yet another person with the police for them to send out a cruiser to patrol the maniacs that drive through our school zone area. Yup, I used the phone several times.
I have a few more calls to make, a bunch of stuff to do on the computer - reminding myself the whole time to watch my posture so as not to get another headache. Then I will treat myself to a little "Orange is the new Black" for lunch! The only trouble is, I am on the last episode and I heard the new ones won't be out until 2014!!!! What the heck am I going to watch for fun?
Things are looking good, life is good, I'm happy, healthy and.....what's another h word I can use? (Get your mind out of the gutter, I just thought that one too though.) Hopeful? Holiday bound? I wish. HOME, that one works. Done.
I must finish all my crap so I can deserve my show - delayed gratification and all that.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Oi, blah, pffft and ok
Yes I know, random title.
That's kind of how I feel today. I had a game last night, we won, it was awesome. But I felt like I played like crap! Oh well. Had a crappy sleep last night, went for a nice walk this morning with friends and then went to buy more milk. Then I looked in the mirror, and I looked like I had gone feral. Not a good look for me. My hair was a bit wild and my eyes were a bit glassy. But I remembered to get milk and even gas. Yay.
I came home and did a few odd bits of things, cleaned the kitchen a bit, disposed of a few mice caught in the garden, sent some emails.
Then I actually answered the phone....and it was an unknown name! Let that sink in ................
...................................and then I spoke to a person for over 10 minutes! Need more time to be astonished?
Anyway...a parent new to our school called me to ask a few questions, and I think I was actually helpful. Her kid was taken out of the original class he was placed in, and was really upset about it. I told her who to talk to, to see if they can put him back in the original class. I really hope they can, when a kid clicks with a teacher it really makes a difference to their school year. Her child is a bit, for lack of a better word, sensitive. I don't know him, but that's what word she finally used. I totally get it. My son is the same way. Not sensitive, like he will cry all the time or is fragile, he just needs to be talked to a certain way, or explained things a certain way. We all do have our own ways, he is just a very gentle soul and will become a great person, a great man, if we can keep him gentle. There aren't a lot of people like him out there, and I really want him to be that sweet person all his life.
That made me feel pretty good about myself, kind of like I am conquering my fears a little bit. It's not easy being social!
I've had a trying few days, I wanted this school year to be less crazy than last year. I want to be on time for school, I don't want to yell at the kids at bed time and in the morning! Last night I came home, after being gone for 4 hours, my son's chores had been done, but he hadn't showered or did his 30 minutes of reading. I had to get firm. I told him it wasn't my responsibility to make sure that stuff got done. He has to be more responsible for those things now. He's 10! Not 3. He told me that I should let him stay up later so he could finish reading. I held my ground and said no, it wasn't my problem, he could have done that while I was at soccer. So he was mad, he wouldn't kiss me and he fell asleep. Morning comes, he got up, took a shower and read while he ate his breakfast, and set a timer to make sure he got the full time in! That is a real Yay!
My daughter also hadn't showered, was still "doing her homework", and didn't do the dishes like I had asked her to. She said she wasn't sure if I wanted them done! I told her, that if there was any question about that, to just do it and assume I wanted them done.
They really need to be more responsible, and that means that I have to step back, and be consistent. I always talk about that, and then I let things slide, and they take advantage.
I am trying really hard to keep on top of things. I found that I was so behind on so many things last school year, that I just stopped doing things when they piled up. Not anymore! I have returned a bunch of emails already, that I normally would just worry about. I am going to make sure that I have my priorities and stand my ground, say no every once in a while, and take more real time for me. Not shopping time!
I will just remind myself of that as often as possible, and just do stuff to get it off my plate. As I say that, the office around me is in shambles, and I will try to pick out the important stuff, do it, and not worry about the rest. Ahh, September. Always a fresh start!
That's kind of how I feel today. I had a game last night, we won, it was awesome. But I felt like I played like crap! Oh well. Had a crappy sleep last night, went for a nice walk this morning with friends and then went to buy more milk. Then I looked in the mirror, and I looked like I had gone feral. Not a good look for me. My hair was a bit wild and my eyes were a bit glassy. But I remembered to get milk and even gas. Yay.
I came home and did a few odd bits of things, cleaned the kitchen a bit, disposed of a few mice caught in the garden, sent some emails.
Then I actually answered the phone....and it was an unknown name! Let that sink in ................
...................................and then I spoke to a person for over 10 minutes! Need more time to be astonished?
Anyway...a parent new to our school called me to ask a few questions, and I think I was actually helpful. Her kid was taken out of the original class he was placed in, and was really upset about it. I told her who to talk to, to see if they can put him back in the original class. I really hope they can, when a kid clicks with a teacher it really makes a difference to their school year. Her child is a bit, for lack of a better word, sensitive. I don't know him, but that's what word she finally used. I totally get it. My son is the same way. Not sensitive, like he will cry all the time or is fragile, he just needs to be talked to a certain way, or explained things a certain way. We all do have our own ways, he is just a very gentle soul and will become a great person, a great man, if we can keep him gentle. There aren't a lot of people like him out there, and I really want him to be that sweet person all his life.
That made me feel pretty good about myself, kind of like I am conquering my fears a little bit. It's not easy being social!
I've had a trying few days, I wanted this school year to be less crazy than last year. I want to be on time for school, I don't want to yell at the kids at bed time and in the morning! Last night I came home, after being gone for 4 hours, my son's chores had been done, but he hadn't showered or did his 30 minutes of reading. I had to get firm. I told him it wasn't my responsibility to make sure that stuff got done. He has to be more responsible for those things now. He's 10! Not 3. He told me that I should let him stay up later so he could finish reading. I held my ground and said no, it wasn't my problem, he could have done that while I was at soccer. So he was mad, he wouldn't kiss me and he fell asleep. Morning comes, he got up, took a shower and read while he ate his breakfast, and set a timer to make sure he got the full time in! That is a real Yay!
My daughter also hadn't showered, was still "doing her homework", and didn't do the dishes like I had asked her to. She said she wasn't sure if I wanted them done! I told her, that if there was any question about that, to just do it and assume I wanted them done.
They really need to be more responsible, and that means that I have to step back, and be consistent. I always talk about that, and then I let things slide, and they take advantage.
I am trying really hard to keep on top of things. I found that I was so behind on so many things last school year, that I just stopped doing things when they piled up. Not anymore! I have returned a bunch of emails already, that I normally would just worry about. I am going to make sure that I have my priorities and stand my ground, say no every once in a while, and take more real time for me. Not shopping time!
I will just remind myself of that as often as possible, and just do stuff to get it off my plate. As I say that, the office around me is in shambles, and I will try to pick out the important stuff, do it, and not worry about the rest. Ahh, September. Always a fresh start!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Back to school
The kids went back to school today, grade 9 and 5, we got great teachers and I am excited for them.
As I walk away from the school, I feel a little bit lost. Like 2 pieces of me are missing. I know that I can run off and do whatever I want to do - like get bread, go to Walmart, get some groceries.....wait a second. That's NOT what I want to be doing! But it needs to be done, and it is always so much easier and quicker to do those things without the kids in tow, no matter how old they are!
But the first few days back at school, there is a huge sense of something missing. Yes, they drive me crazy with all the talking and the fighting, the singing at my face, the weird noises they make because they think they are funny, the quotes from the Internet that never seem to end. I walk away from the school alone, and I miss them. I know it's silly, but I do. I just want them back for a minute so I can hug them and kiss them and just be with them.
After a few days I will get used to the house being quiet for a few hours, I will get to drive and listen to the music I like, as loud as I like, without a yell to turn it down! Or change the song! I enjoy being alone, I enjoy the time off to do my stuff, and all that other crap that I have to do. I will be so happy in a few days...but for right now, I am a little bit sad and a little bit missing the noise.
Don't worry, I will get over it, and I will love it and look forward to it. Look at all the things I will get to do! I can watch an episode of Orange is the new Black (LOVE this show) without having to pause when the kids pass through. That show is NOT appropriate for kids at all! I could watch 2 episodes and eat ice cream and do nothing all day long! I won't. But one day I really should!
I can paint my bedroom! The paint was bought maybe a year ago and I didn't get a chance to do it yet. I can read a book, have a quiet lunch, go for a run, go bra shopping! But today, I will just do the errands, maybe buy the kids some first day back cupcakes. I will think about them all day and I will hug them and kiss them after school until they beg me to stop. And then tonight, they will drive me crazy with the noise, and I will look ahead to tomorrow.
September always feels like a new start for me, and this year is no different. But I think I will put that new start off until tomorrow, or next week. Right now I will just miss my kids and count the minutes until I get to see them again!
As I walk away from the school, I feel a little bit lost. Like 2 pieces of me are missing. I know that I can run off and do whatever I want to do - like get bread, go to Walmart, get some groceries.....wait a second. That's NOT what I want to be doing! But it needs to be done, and it is always so much easier and quicker to do those things without the kids in tow, no matter how old they are!
But the first few days back at school, there is a huge sense of something missing. Yes, they drive me crazy with all the talking and the fighting, the singing at my face, the weird noises they make because they think they are funny, the quotes from the Internet that never seem to end. I walk away from the school alone, and I miss them. I know it's silly, but I do. I just want them back for a minute so I can hug them and kiss them and just be with them.
After a few days I will get used to the house being quiet for a few hours, I will get to drive and listen to the music I like, as loud as I like, without a yell to turn it down! Or change the song! I enjoy being alone, I enjoy the time off to do my stuff, and all that other crap that I have to do. I will be so happy in a few days...but for right now, I am a little bit sad and a little bit missing the noise.
Don't worry, I will get over it, and I will love it and look forward to it. Look at all the things I will get to do! I can watch an episode of Orange is the new Black (LOVE this show) without having to pause when the kids pass through. That show is NOT appropriate for kids at all! I could watch 2 episodes and eat ice cream and do nothing all day long! I won't. But one day I really should!
I can paint my bedroom! The paint was bought maybe a year ago and I didn't get a chance to do it yet. I can read a book, have a quiet lunch, go for a run, go bra shopping! But today, I will just do the errands, maybe buy the kids some first day back cupcakes. I will think about them all day and I will hug them and kiss them after school until they beg me to stop. And then tonight, they will drive me crazy with the noise, and I will look ahead to tomorrow.
September always feels like a new start for me, and this year is no different. But I think I will put that new start off until tomorrow, or next week. Right now I will just miss my kids and count the minutes until I get to see them again!
Monday, August 19, 2013
I am kicking a$$!
I am very pleased that did it, I finished it, and I even had a nice big finish! I ran with a group of really great people, and they were so supportive. The boys and Theresa are runners and had no problems finishing - the other 2 girls have just started running - Robin had back surgery 2 years ago and has lost about 80 pounds since! Tina has lost about 45 pounds in the last year! Both girls never understood why I ran, but I think they get it now! (They both beat my time!)
It was such a great night, we had a lot of fun and I really can't wait to do the next one. I am a bit sore today, not as sore as I thought I'd be yesterday though.
All my accomplishments are being documented on my "My Coach" from Adidas, and my new Jawbone Up. I Love these devices!!! I can't wear the jawbone to play soccer, but I use the My Coach, but I can wear both for runs. I wear the Up all the time, it tracks my daily movement and my sleep (SOOO important to me, and the reason I bought it) it can also track food, but I'm not doing that yet.
I just love having proof of all the activity that I am doing. It makes it more real for me, and it makes me want to move even more.
I am down 40 pounds now and I hope to maybe lose about 10 more. I am not concerned with the number so much as I am concerned about how I am feeling and getting rid of a bit more jiggle! I really just want to feel good and have more energy to do more things...and stay awake all day!
Finally running my first 5K has really made an impact on me. I know I can do it, and I know I can make a better time next time. I am not nervous to do it again, and I can't wait to find another run as soon as I can. I am missing the next run with those friends due to "scheduling conflicts"! But I'll find another one, and my husband said that he'd love to join me next time! Mini date!
I feel great, I am loving all the activities that I normally do and I am excited to add new ones. We've been playing tennis a lot, I've tried paddle boarding and my husband might even get me on a Windsurf this summer, we'll see!
Looking forward to routine!
It's been a great summer, and I am not wishing it away, but I am looking forward to some sort of routine! Every day here is different, what time I get up, what I am doing, if we are travelling, going to numerous soccer games, you get the picture. Anyone that doesn't have a regular full time job knows what I am talking about. Everyday holds something new and different. It's not always a good thing.
The house doesn't get cleaned, the laundry is done all the time, but never put away. The kids have no idea what to do with all the time they have, especially when they have no soccer.
I am not complaining, but I am having a hard time getting my Sh*t together! Oh wait, that's not new for me is it? But for me to function without routine, even harder!
The kids are on the countdown to back to school, and I am on the countdown to some me time! A little bit of shopping, some house cleaning, getting rid of more junk around the house, painting my bedroom....that one has been waiting over a year!
I love having something to look forward to! I love summer, I love being with the kids. We always have great adventures, but there is always something that is happening next. I choose to "look forward" to it, than see the end of summer. Even little things, checking on my plants in the morning, seeing how well my clematis has grown, checking the mouse traps to see if I have any new "dead friends". (None for a few days now, and there are no signs of any living mouse activity!)
Today I look forward to maybe getting the laundry put away. Tomorrow a hike in Canmore. I feel good, I feel like everything is going well. I have so many things to look forward to. Although I didn't get my summer trip to Europe, I look forward to planning the next trip, whatever that may be!
The house doesn't get cleaned, the laundry is done all the time, but never put away. The kids have no idea what to do with all the time they have, especially when they have no soccer.
I am not complaining, but I am having a hard time getting my Sh*t together! Oh wait, that's not new for me is it? But for me to function without routine, even harder!
The kids are on the countdown to back to school, and I am on the countdown to some me time! A little bit of shopping, some house cleaning, getting rid of more junk around the house, painting my bedroom....that one has been waiting over a year!
I love having something to look forward to! I love summer, I love being with the kids. We always have great adventures, but there is always something that is happening next. I choose to "look forward" to it, than see the end of summer. Even little things, checking on my plants in the morning, seeing how well my clematis has grown, checking the mouse traps to see if I have any new "dead friends". (None for a few days now, and there are no signs of any living mouse activity!)
Today I look forward to maybe getting the laundry put away. Tomorrow a hike in Canmore. I feel good, I feel like everything is going well. I have so many things to look forward to. Although I didn't get my summer trip to Europe, I look forward to planning the next trip, whatever that may be!
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Hello Summer!!
Summer is here, the weather is awesome, and I feel like doing everything and nothing all at once!
Some days I have done a bunch of things, painting, errands, hanging out with the kids, but at the end of the day, I feel like I haven't done enough. I am going to have to think about each day at the end of the day and see if it feels like it has been a good day. Then I will make sure that I do similar things that make me feel the same way.
I kind of want to spend the whole day outside, sometimes alone, but sometimes with the kids. I don't know how to get the kids outside to play though. They just don't "play" like I did when I was a kid. I have no idea what I was even doing as a kid, so I can't even help them with ideas. I think that they should just be creative and do stuff that they think is fun. At the lake, my son doesn't know what to do with himself without other people. I don't mind playing in the sand with him sometimes, or going for a swim, but he's got to learn to do these things himself, or go find someone else to play with....himself! I'm the Mom, I should be able to just hang out if I want to.
I love summer, but it does frustrate me. Not going to Europe this summer has been a complete bummer, but I think I can manage, as long as I don't think about it too much.
I just wish the kids could just get off their butts and have some fun that doesn't include technology, or being inside all the time.
Some days I have done a bunch of things, painting, errands, hanging out with the kids, but at the end of the day, I feel like I haven't done enough. I am going to have to think about each day at the end of the day and see if it feels like it has been a good day. Then I will make sure that I do similar things that make me feel the same way.
I kind of want to spend the whole day outside, sometimes alone, but sometimes with the kids. I don't know how to get the kids outside to play though. They just don't "play" like I did when I was a kid. I have no idea what I was even doing as a kid, so I can't even help them with ideas. I think that they should just be creative and do stuff that they think is fun. At the lake, my son doesn't know what to do with himself without other people. I don't mind playing in the sand with him sometimes, or going for a swim, but he's got to learn to do these things himself, or go find someone else to play with....himself! I'm the Mom, I should be able to just hang out if I want to.
I love summer, but it does frustrate me. Not going to Europe this summer has been a complete bummer, but I think I can manage, as long as I don't think about it too much.
I just wish the kids could just get off their butts and have some fun that doesn't include technology, or being inside all the time.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
My greatest accomplishment
I know I am not done yet in life - there will be more accomplishments, but last night I realized I had done what I had set out to do in life.
I was putting the kids to bed and for some reason it finally hit me, my kids are my greatest accomplishment. Not who they are, how they behave, or what they do in life. But the fact that I wanted to be so close to my kids, and to have them always know that they are loved. Wherever they go in life, they carry my love with them. No matter what happens, no matter what they do, no matter how far away from me they are - they will know that they are loved. What else could a person really want?
I've always known that I am close with my kids, they've always known that I love them. But last night, it really became clear that I have achieved something great in my lifetime.
I know that I wasn't put on this earth to be doctor, an inventor, a professor. I was never meant to be a person who is famous, or written about. I never did care for any of that anyway. I just wanted to know what my place was in life, that's all.
I don't need "success" as other people see success. I wanted the way I feel, a piece of me, to outlive me. There was something inside of me that needed an outlet, and it is my kids. I sometimes wonder why it takes me so long to realize these things, and then I guess I know that if it were something I just knew, it might not mean as much.
Not only do my kids get to carry this feeling, this knowledge with them, so do I. It doesn't matter what I do for the rest of my life, I will always have this. This feeling, this understanding, that will always be with me, and no one can ever take that away.
I was putting the kids to bed and for some reason it finally hit me, my kids are my greatest accomplishment. Not who they are, how they behave, or what they do in life. But the fact that I wanted to be so close to my kids, and to have them always know that they are loved. Wherever they go in life, they carry my love with them. No matter what happens, no matter what they do, no matter how far away from me they are - they will know that they are loved. What else could a person really want?
I've always known that I am close with my kids, they've always known that I love them. But last night, it really became clear that I have achieved something great in my lifetime.
I know that I wasn't put on this earth to be doctor, an inventor, a professor. I was never meant to be a person who is famous, or written about. I never did care for any of that anyway. I just wanted to know what my place was in life, that's all.
I don't need "success" as other people see success. I wanted the way I feel, a piece of me, to outlive me. There was something inside of me that needed an outlet, and it is my kids. I sometimes wonder why it takes me so long to realize these things, and then I guess I know that if it were something I just knew, it might not mean as much.
Not only do my kids get to carry this feeling, this knowledge with them, so do I. It doesn't matter what I do for the rest of my life, I will always have this. This feeling, this understanding, that will always be with me, and no one can ever take that away.
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