It's annual "No Nap Thursday"!

Today, for the first time this year, I didn't take a nap! If you have been reading my posts, you'll know that I have issues and I require naps all the damn time. Most days I take a nap, there are some days that I do not have the opportunity and therefore can't nap. But today, I had the opportunity many times over and I didn't use it!

I slept like a rock last night, which must be why I didn't need to nap. Usually I wake up 5 or more times a night, and last night I only woke up once! That is like a miracle! I did take a sleeping pill- prescribed by the sleep study doctor, but I have taken them before, like the other night, and I still wake up. Last night, for whatever reason, the pill did it's job, and I slept almost all night. Yes, these are the things I get excited about.

I do not have sleep apnea, which I think is good news. I do, however, have a different breathing condition that wakes me up. Our first step to help this issue is a CPAP. I have no idea what that really stands for, but it is a breathing mask that I will have to wear while I sleep. If it works, we have my problem solved. If it works, I also have the option to go to a less invasive dental appliance that just sits in my mouth and extends my jaw forward while I sleep. Because my throat is narrow and my tongue is fat (really? A fat tongue? What's next, a fat eyeball??), my throat is obstructed while sleeping. The breathing mask can help, but it really hinders your sleep position. The mouth piece, if my mouth meets the standards for fitting, is really a better option, I think.

That all being said, if these methods don't work, I have to go the sleep clinic overnight and into the next day until 5pm. Some people may not like the sound of that, but it sounds like a little vacation to me! I saw the sleep clinic bedrooms and they are so nice and inviting, they make you want to sleep there. For now, I will go with what the doctor has suggested and hope that I come out of it feeling like I did today.

I got so much done!! I went to the gym, ran 14 laps consecutively, no stop for even a yawn! I worked on my legs only, in weights and felt really good afterward. I came home, put laundry away, had lunch, vacuumed the soccer field and organized my studio. Then I went and got the kids, made chicken soup from scratch, cleaned the basement....and I think that was it. But I didn't feel like I needed a nap at any time today. It was amazing! I hope I sleep that well tonight, I have to be at the school all day tomorrow and won't get a chance for a nap.

If I can get a better sleep every night, I'll be able to get so much done! Cleaning, painting, chores and still have time for fun stuff! I am very optimistic.

Sleep Study

I've been accepted into a sleep study program here that is part of a U of C program. Last week I went for my first visit with the doctor and I was there for 2 hours. This appointment was the most thorough doctor's appointment I have ever been to. The doctor asked me (literally) at least 100 questions about how I sleep, do I have nightmares (all the time),what I do for exercise, how I feel everyday, and everything else under the sun that could possible any anything to do with sleep....so everything.

The doctor has decided that I have a class 4 obstruction in my throat - a class 4 is the worst one - all it means is that I have a narrow throat and my tongue is too big for my mouth. See, I don't have a big mouth! That problem right there will lead to issues when I sleep. When you are sleeping, the tongue relaxes and falls down your throat just a bit, but when mine does, it is too large and cuts off my air supply leading me to wake up. Lets just say I haven't slept through the night in many years. It's no wonder I am so tired and crabby all the time. When you don't get enough sleep in large blocks, your body has a hard time recovering, and it leaves you sleep deprived all the time. I could sleep all day and all night and night and still wake up tired.

Last night I took a sleep monitor home, and lets just say it didn't go well. When I was told about the overnight study, I was told to take a sleeping pill before going to bed. So I did that and hooked myself up to the machine. My poor husband had to sleep on the couch because I had to sleep alone for this. All night I kept waking up, and because I was sedated, I was very confused each time I woke up. A few times I threw the machine off my head. When you do that it beeps and tells you that it has fallen off. I, thankfully, had the capability to put it back on, and I put it upside down once and even told me that it was on wrong. Crazy.

This morning I woke up more tired that usual. I didn't get any sleep last night and because I didn't, the sleeping pill is keeping me a bit groggy. If you see me or talk to me today, that is why I cannot speak coherently! I've dropped the sleep monitor off already, and they download the results of the test. If they have enough results, I go back today at 2:30 to go over what information it gathered. If the results aren't enough, I have to do it again.

Some aspects of the sleep study can be very expensive, but considering the time this has gone on for, the cost of over the counter medications I have tried, the herbs and other stuff that I have bought to try and keep me awake, I think the cost is worth every penny. Some of it may even be covered by my additional health coverage - thank goodness I have that.

This is just the beginning of this study, I hope I get to find out that there is something I can do to sleep. I think that will help all aspects of my life,emotionally and physically especially. The next step might be to sleep at the facility over night while they monitor me. It sounds weird, but I saw the "bedrooms" they have there, and they look so nice and comfy! A lot of things look comfy when I am this tired, but that room, all by myself with no kids and husband, might be nice for a night!

Soccer practice, in my basement!

My husband has been a real pain in the ass lately. He's been really crabby and yelling about stupid things, having no patience for anyone, including me. Last night I asked him what his problem was and he denied having a problem. I continued to tell him how unbearable he has been lately, and surprise, surprise, he had no idea that he had been crabby at all. How could he not notice? I've been crabby back at him, and he noticed that!

At bedtime last night I was ignoring him, which didn't work out really well because he fell asleep all snuggled up to me. How dare he snuggle me when I am mad and ignoring him? So I gave it to him this morning. Again, he had no idea I was even mad. When he called this morning, I had to remind him that I was mad! He asked what I was doing and I told him I was working on my anger management program. I was taking shots in the basement in my (finished) soccer pitch. He then told me to work on this and that, and I had to stop him and tell him that I was too mad to listen to his advice. The he laughed! What a jerk! He did promise that he would be really happy and sweet when he gets home tonight, but I have to be nice too. I may need to take a few more shots on net before I am ready to be nice!

The great thing about the soccer pitch in the basement is that really is my anger management. My daughter got leveled in her last game on Saturday and she was mad! I told her to harness her anger and use it to her advantage in the game. She doesn't get that concept yet. But all my anger, which honestly wasn't all that much, went into my shots this morning. It feels really good to just nail a ball and hear the sound it makes. It feels good to have a sore leg after, knowing that I put all my anger and frustration into those shots instead of being grumpy.

Again, I wish I had known about this when I was a teenager!

I feel much better now, I am all sweaty and my leg muscle (we call it my soccer muscle and it is a thing of beauty) is sore, and I get to go shower and have a lovely day. I am going to get my toes done, which they so badly need to be taken care of right now, and be happy the rest of the day.

I wish you a happy Monday and I hope you all have an anger management program that works for you....if you need it anyway!

I'm an athlete

I was at the gym this morning with my friend. I had run 11 laps consecutively on Monday and I was determined to run 12 today. With the exception of a 10 second stop to yawn, I was able to complete all 12 without a break! It felt great.

After my run, I did some weights and then did a few sprints around the track. I did some sit ups, some planks and some other core work and then stretched. When I was just about done my stretch, a lady, that I don't know, came over and told me that I worked out really hard today and I was such an athlete! My friend came over to hear just that last bit that the lady said.

I have to admit it felt really great that someone noticed how hard I worked and that I was, in fact, an athlete. I was pleased with the comment, but there's always that niggling thought inside. Would you tell a skinny person that? My friend was a bit annoyed with this lady because of that preconceived notion that a heavy girl cannot be an athlete.

My friend, who is heavy like me, walks with a cane right now after breaking her leg in 3 places last summer. Before that, she was the same weight, but has always been athletic. She gets pissed off when her doctor or the physiotherapist tells her how impressed they are with her. She feels that they are so amazed that she is capable of an amazing recovery even though she is overweight. I think she is amazing, and I think they think she is amazing, not because they are surprised.

But she's kind of right. I know the looks I get when I tell people that I play soccer. I see the doubt when I tell people I am a gym rat or a runner. Yes, I am a fat athlete. (In your face!) Yes it pisses me off that I can't seem to lose weight even though I bust my ass, but you know what, if that was the only reason I worked out, do you really think I'd still do it? I'm not stupid. I care about my weight, don't get me wrong, but it doesn't control my life. I run, I work out, I play soccer - not to lose weight, but because it makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel fit and capable. Don't try to challenge me to a foot race, I'd probably win. Then you'd be standing in my dust, amazed that a fat girl outran you!

I guess my whole point is that you really can't judge a book by it's cover. I am fat - but I am healthy, fit and very self confident. So as much as I enjoyed being called an athlete, would that lady really have made that same comment to a skinny girl? Somehow I doubt it.

We are crazy for soccer!

How crazy you ask? So crazy that we converted a large, unfinished and largely unused area of our basement into a soccer field!

It started out as an idea that my daughter and I had - to make for my husband's birthday later this year. We thought it would be a fun idea and it would take quite a bit of work. Well, just the other day, my husband suggested this very same idea to us. So we had to admit that we had thought of it and we agreed that we should do it.

On Saturday, my daughter and I cleared all the crap out of that area and took 3 trips to the donation center. My husband and son put up drywall and prepped the floors. My husband and I went to Home Depot that night and picked up some green indoor/outdoor carpet. Yesterday we made it all happen! The boys painted the drywall to make sure that it was white so that the area picks up the light from the new fixtures that will be put up. Then we glued the floor and laid the carpet. It was a bit of work, but we completed the project all this weekend. The lights aren't up yet, but they have been ordered. They will be fluorescent with steel cages over top. The net hasn't been put up yet either, but it's ready to be. For now, we are happy just to kick the ball around.

Not many people can say that they have an indoor soccer field in their house, but I can. That area will be used all the time. I bet people would think we were crazy if we were to try and sell the house, but I don't see that happening any time soon. Honestly, I don't really care either. I think it's a fun idea and it is something that we will use all the time. My husband and I couldn't help but try it out last night! It was so much fun! It's an area that the kids can kick a ball in, play ping pong, floor hockey, whatever they want, and we won't get mad that they are damaging anything! I can't think of a better way to use that space!

So if you want to come over and try it out, bring your indoor shoes!

I am doing so well!

For the first time EVER, I got out and shoveled the driveway before anyone drove on it! I know it's not much, but that's a big thing for me. I really have never done that, and I am always trying to scrape up the compressed snow tire tracks on my driveway. It was really a sore point with me. Of course I did make my 8 year old son help me this morning - but at least it got done!

This whole "getting my shit together" is working! I knew if I got mad enough and had clear objectives, I would be able to get things done. A really long time ago - just before I met my husband, when I moved up to Calgary I made a list of goals that I wanted to achieve. I met all of those goals because they were written down and very clear. The only one I didn't meet was to lose 25 lbs, instead I gained that and more. :( But I guess I can't have everything. The weight loss, however, has always been a goal. It's just one I haven't been able to achieve just yet.

That is my main goal this year and I already have so many things in place, so I think that one might just get done this year! I already go to the gym all the time, I run, I play soccer, I swim, I know what good food to eat and what to stay away from. I haven't always stuck to the eating well, but I am about to do something drastic on that end. I am going on the first ever (for me) diet. I don't diet, I think it's a bad idea. You have to make a lifestyle change, and I have, but I can't seem to stay away from the junk I guess. I really think that if I could get the weight off, I could keep it off. So drastic, and SHORT TERM, diet, here I come. I've never tried anything like this, and I've seen it work. So if it does for me too, I will blog all about that. You know how much I like to share.

On all other front's, I am doing very well. My "studio" is looking so nice, and just needs a bit more organizing. My daughter and I hung out in there last night and it was so cozy and comfortable! My appointments and the kid's appointments are being taken care of in a timely manner. I popped a crown off the other day and had it fixed the very next day! I feel so in control of things that can be controlled! The other stuff, well I just don't even worry about that!

So far I am on track for everything! It feels good. I really let a lot of things go, like my mind, for the last few years and I feel like I am back and able to take care of things again. I have an appointment with the sleep clinic next week, and I hope they can help me. I am double dosing on foot therapy, I have the finances in control, the house will be clean (mostly...lets not get out of control here!) today. I have even left time this afternoon for a nap if needed. It probably will be needed, I have a game tonight and I don't want to be sleepy for it.

That being said, I am going to go get some shit done!

The New Year is upon us

Wow - it's 2012. I'm not even sure what year I am stuck in, but I think that it will take a while to get used to 2012. The years go by way too fast these days.

The last few days have been spent with my lovely little family, lots of movies, swimming, lounging and cleaning the basement. Yes, we are an exciting bunch! My husband is the only one that has gotten out of his pyjamas so far today - but he had to go to a physio appointment, so he had a reason to. I am doing laundry and making up the family calendars and I do not need to be dressed to do that. The kids have been in their pj's for the most part the last few days, we all got dressed at about 4 yesterday only because we had company.

Like I said last year, 2012 will be the year of getting the shit together. I have the family calendar's done already, for the soccer schedule anyway, up until April! There will be additions because my husband's schedule isn't even on there yet and the kids schedule's will be updated, but they are current for a little while, and at least they are printed and mostly filled out. I have even updated my day planner with all my appointments and the soccer schedule. We already have a triple booked day later this month, but I can't worry about it because I am booked for a photo course that I am NOT messing with. My husband will have to figure something out...

The house is clean, the plans are written, the kids are happy, there is food in the fridge, I say that I am doing a great job already this year! Ok, so it's 1pm and I am still in my jammies, but that's by choice. I also didn't get to sleep until after 2am last night due to the wacky sleep schedule I have been keeping. My husband goes back to work tomorrow, so we'll get to bed at a decent hour tonight. The kids and I have a the next few days free and I am optimistic about this year for all of us. Plans for Europe will commence shortly, and that will keep me going until summer. Maybe 2012 will be my year - the year I really do get my shit together!

Wish me luck, I am going to need it!